Advice on getting him to leave

[TheReferoo]

After years of emotional and verbal abuse I think I am finally at a point where I can end it. We’ve discussed separation and initially he agreed to move out. He then agreed to counselling I think to placate me and stall for time as many weeks later he’s made no effort to do this. I want it over with now but need to know, if he refuses to move out also I have any legal avenues I can pursue due to his abuse that would force him to go? And if not do I put the house on the market? But surely he’d also have to agree to this? Any advice would be hugely appreciated. X

[TheReferoo]

Bumping...

[mummyretired]

The advice I was given (in England) was that if you want him out, you must divorce him as you have a duty to house your spouse.
If abuse is involved could you get a restraining order? Have you reported it to the police?

[TheReferoo]

No and I don’t want to go down the police route. There’s no physical violence. I thought you can’t divorce unless you’ve been separated for a specific amount of time though?

[outabout]

Whose name is on the deeds for the house, his, yours or joint? If joint you can't force him out easily as he would have equal right to be there.
You need to talk to the CAB and look at divorce online (wikivorce) etc for reliable information and options.

[Secretsout]

I was in a similar situation with my very controlling abusive narc Ex. You will only be able to get him out if there is physical violence, otherwise he is entitled to stay. I was advised I couldn't even put a lock on my bedroom door to keep him out as he was entitled to free access to the home. Despite being a very high earner my Ex simply refused to budge (his aim being to cause as much hurt and upset as possible) and we are still living in the same house one year on. File for divorce and get the house on the marke

[TheReferoo]

But what if (worst case scenario) he refuses permission for the house to go up for sale until a divorce goes through? Do I have any rights to get it up for sale if we are in the process of a divorce? My back up option is to email his family a list of things he’s done (while away for a few days) and hope they’ll force the issue if they have an understanding of what he is really like as they have no idea. But I could risk antagonising the whole situation. But it could be a threat I make to get him to go I suppose.

[Nin76]

Hi secretsout,

How do you find living with a narc whilst going through a divorce? Will you be going 50/50 and also have you got kids?

I’m finding it difficult one min really nice next min nasty. Im ok weekdays as kept busy with kids and work.. but soon as sat comes and he’s I’m the house the the whole weekend. I have no energy just want to stay in bed 😟 keep thinking if I’m doing the right thing and the financial part of things brings me down. Looking st the kids thinking there going to be from a broken family. The guilt and fear of the future.

Would love some advice pls.

Thank you

[BoneyBackJefferson]

You cannot force him out unless you go down the DV route and get an order to do so.

You also cannot change the locks and lock him out whilst he is out of the house.

In the worse case scenario you may need to get the house sold by court order, linking this to the financial settlement of the divorce.

And unless there are children he has no duty to house you.

Don't email his family as it could be seen as harassment.

But you need to go see a solicitor for advice from a professional.

[Secretsout]

nin it has been horrendous. 13 months of sheer hell. At first he was fairly amicable, until he realised I actually meant it and there was no going back.

Despite every single thing he has tried to do to hurt me, each day I've got stronger, harder and more resolute. As for him, he's fell apart. He's a fat, old, desperate, functioning alcoholic, living off takeaways, shagging the local bike and has a dreadful relationship with our kids due to his awful emotional abuse of them.

I'm counting down the days until I'm free of his shit. No matter what he does he will never get the better of me and once we are free I will help my teens recover from living with this hell.

Make sure your solicitor is hard ball. Mine wasn't really but a couple of months ago she admitted that during her career she had rarely met anyone as difficult as him (and she looks old enough to retire!!)

Good luck

[Nin76]

Hi Secretsout,

Thank you for your reply.

Did you have to go through court or did you settle amicably?

The other worrying thing is I’m out of work and worried how I’m going to pay the solicitor to fight a narcissist.

Also still don’t know if i should remain in the house or cut my losses and just go 50/50.

Thanks all advice is welcome please I’m so up and down don’t know what to do for the best.

Thank you 🙏🏽

[CousinKrispy]

Go to a solicitor for a free initial consultation and ask about the process. Also there is loads of information online about the divorce process and financial settlements etc--check out rightsofwomen for starters.

Good luck, I know it is hell trying to get them to move out. Focus on the future as much as you can and file for divorce as soon as you can. You don't have to be separated for 2 years first.