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(253 Posts)
Imafreeelf Tue 28-Nov-17 13:00:20

Hi everyone,

I've nc and new shiny thread to help me get through this divorce.

For those that didn't see my last one (it's been removed for my protection) I'm at the start of a divorce because my 'd'h couldn't stand up to his bullying and threatening parents.

Please let me know that you have found me!

HashiAsLarry Tue 28-Nov-17 14:04:59

You are a free elf now Dobby. No more Hufflepuff for you!

Glad initial appt went well.

DistanceCall Tue 28-Nov-17 14:12:18

Hello! Still here!

Tinselistacky Tue 28-Nov-17 14:14:35

You will walk it.
He so underestimated you op.

nicenewdusters Tue 28-Nov-17 16:11:25

Shiny new thread for your shiny new life !

Imafreeelf Tue 28-Nov-17 16:20:35

Yay! I'm glad you have found me!

Onwards and upwards! I've changed all passwords and am protecting myself. I'm going to fight for what I'm entitled to (more than what I thought!)

Sick of his mind games and charming exterior while stabbing me with his emotional abuse. Easier to divorce me hey?! Ha! I don't think so.

mamahanji Tue 28-Nov-17 16:26:36

Delurking to say I've followed your thread since the beginning and I don't know if I've ever hated someone I've never met before that wasn't Donald trump, Katie Hopkins or Hitler before. But your stbxh...wow. He is a nasty piece of work isn't he?

Glad you've found your lions voice now! You'll never have to let him or his poisonous parents put you down again.

Oh and every time he is saying 'I fell out of love with you' or 'I'm glad I'm getting rid of you'...feel it. Own it. He is grasping at some very slippery straws because the little voice inside his head is screaming 'no it's all wrong! Don't leave me alone with them! You're meant to protect me!' And the conditioned coward is suppressing it with lashing out and lies.

Every nasty thing he says will make it easier for you to get exactly what you are entitled to and to give him exactly what he deserves!

BewareOfDragons Tue 28-Nov-17 16:29:14

i'm glad you are revamping and letting him know you are no pushover. You will have what is yours and you will move on and have a wonderful life without him and his horrible family. Tell him he can move home with mummy.

Imafreeelf Tue 28-Nov-17 16:54:36

Love your post mama!

I just can't believe I didn't see his true colours before now. He hid them well just like his mother did in the 8 years before we married! A pp said the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and how true that now seems to be.

My mum has always said that whoever messes with her cubs messes with her! Only I'm not a cub anymore, I am a lioness so he's got 2 to deal with now!!

I want to hold onto this strength with all my might. He's not going to worm his way back into my affections. I've told my extended family today too. He has now got to deal with the consequences of his wimpish actions

RandomMess Tue 28-Nov-17 17:06:54

Glad the solicitor appointment went well!

KOKO flowers

Imafreeelf Tue 28-Nov-17 19:20:13

He is defensive about the reason for divorce being unreasonable behaviour!!! He still thinks he's done nothing wrong! I said it has no bearing on finances. He said it's a public record that people can access. He's still more concerned about himself and others than me!!!
I'm so angry

HashiAsLarry Tue 28-Nov-17 19:37:08

Sod him. He hasn't thought about you, don't give a second worrying about what people may think of him. Also it ruins his faultless image. You could suggest he admits adultery instead wink

Imafreeelf Tue 28-Nov-17 19:48:17

I don't give a shit what people think of him but he does. He's still trying to maintain his image of mr perfect!! I'm guessing his future wife will be able to access the reasons for our divorce. She would run further than Forrest Gump did from him!!

nicenewdusters Tue 28-Nov-17 19:48:18

It's hard to grasp but he really won't think he's done anything wrong. Remember, his whole weird little world is all he knows. He hasn't broken the unhealthy dynamic with his mum. To him, it's you that's being difficult.

As they say, you can't argue with stupid. So if he's worried about his image, ho hum. All you need to worry about is getting away from him physically, financially, legally and then emotionally. Just think of him like a scared little boy. But he'll be ok, he's got his mum !

YouCantArgueWithStupid Tue 28-Nov-17 19:54:25

Hi OP 👋🏽 glad you've got that fire in you

GertrudeCB Tue 28-Nov-17 19:56:13

I'm shaking my pom poms here Elf , behind you all the way flowers

Imafreeelf Tue 28-Nov-17 20:52:46

Ha! Great posts. Thanks everyone!

He was on about having a bad cold earlier, sympathy? No more - he needs to phone mummy for that now.

He is sorting my cold shower though so a small sweetener in amongst the shit!

Im looking forward to him finding out about spousal maintenance. He thinks he will be financially better off without me. Erm marriage is about equality even after you rip my heart to shreds love!

Keep those Pom poms going! I'm going to need some cheers!

DistanceCall Wed 29-Nov-17 14:15:52

So glad the solicitor gave you good news, Elf. Now detach, detach, detach. Change your passwords, keep all the important documents in a safe place, start doing your homework.

And feel the relief of no longer being tied to someone who thinks that allowing your parents to abuse your wife does not constitute unreasonable behaviour!

Imafreeelf Wed 29-Nov-17 15:18:32

I have changed all my passwords. I'm trying to detach. His recent behaviour is making it easier! I don't understand how he just can't see that he's done wrong.
He's convinced I'm the one to blame but won't really say what! I left full time teaching 3 years ago due to migraines which meant a lot of absence. He was angry about that and called me a quitter. I do work now though and have done for the last year. It's not full time but I do the majority of the housework. He thinks that doesn't count as he could do it himself!
We've had intimate issues in the past when I got reoccurring cystitis. I've worked hard to sort that though.
He has put no effort in. I can't make sense of his anger towards me. I didn't get on with his family because of them!
I hate this. He wants to wash his hands of me because I'm not perfect and blame me for it all

RandomMess Wed 29-Nov-17 15:34:30

He is angry because you were supposed to put up and shut up I expect!! However much he says it's all your fault he knows other people will label him as "failing"!

Imafreeelf Wed 29-Nov-17 15:52:27

Thanks random. I'm worried people will believe him that it's me. I know I shouldn't care because I know the truth but I can't help it. It also feels horrible that the man I thought loved me more than anything actually doesn't at all and is almost enjoying watching me suffer.
I want this all to be over now

Imafreeelf Wed 29-Nov-17 19:44:29

He's assumed he doesn't have to pay me maintenance because we don't have children so I won't need it.
He's angry now that he's discovered otherwise and found a quote about divorce being a way a woman rips a mans testicles off through his wallet. Charming.
I'm frightened this is going to get nasty. Can someone provide me some reassurance please?

HashiAsLarry Wed 29-Nov-17 19:48:29

Tbh someone who thinks its perfectly fine his dps should threaten you deserves to have his testicles ripped out through his pocket. He may get nasty, he's already being it anyway, sorry I can't assure you of that but just make sure you have copies of all pertinent paperwork's etc before you leave.

Imafreeelf Wed 29-Nov-17 19:50:26

I'm not sure I'm cut out for this

HashiAsLarry Wed 29-Nov-17 19:56:51

My xh tried to pull a few dirty tricks when we were divorcing. I ended up saying nothing more than 'I'll run that by my solicitor' and nothing else. He gave up in the end.

What he never realised was my solicitor was actually a family member who specialised in divorce law and I only saught advice twice from him. We did our divorce diy despite the odd foul play.

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