Moving?

[pookyandponky]

Hello. I’ve been divorced for nearly 5 years. The children see there dad every other weekend and once in the week.
I think we have shared parental responsibility.
We rent in a very expensive area and financially things are very difficult. I would very much like to move a couple of hours north and take away lots of the financial strain and make a more stable and less stressful life for the children.
I want to know if it is likely he can stop me if he goes to court?

[IrishMum94]

Hello, I can understand how you feel, it all depends with who has sole custody of the children I.e the children live with you most of the time and your ex partner cannot stop the move if it is still in the same country, the court would suggest mediation or if you did move likely a visitation schedule just if you both couldn’t work that out yourselves, worst case scenario.

[HeckyPeck]

He could apply to the court to stop you from moving (might not be successful) or he could apply for the children to live with him. The courts will look at what is in the best interests of the children.

Less financial strain vs reduced contact for the children with their father and move time spent travelling back and forth. Not sure on their ages but I can imagine as they get older this would have more of an impact as they wouldn't be able to see friends/go to clubs/hobbies as they'd be away from the area every other weekend.

I've seen cases like this ending up having a very detrimental effect on the children and damaging their relationship with the parent left behind.

[pookyandponky]

I understand that there could be a detrimental affect. Which is obviously not what I would want. The problem is that where we live is astronomical in rental. 2/3 of our wages goes on rent (£1400 for a two bed) which means there is very little left even for food and clothes. Let alone any activities for the children. There are no cheaper properties to rent without moving.
We get no benefits as I do not pay for childcare. And obviously two salaries that are £50 a month over the criteria don’t count.
I think I am at the end of my teather. I can’t see a future without massive debt building. The guilt of saying to the children you can’t have sweets, clothes the odd Mc Donald’s is draining me. I work full time as a teacher and bring home 2 or 3 hours of work each night. I feel like I’m not even supporting my own children with homework etc.
I know that for their dad it is not ideal.

[DoItAgainBob]

Tbh I would plan to move, giving plenty of warning and see what happens. Housing is beyond most people reach in certain areas these days, so unless your ex plans to help out in some way, I think there's often little option.

£1400 a month is average where I am too and it unaffordable for any public sector worker. Are you eligible for housing benefit?

[Julie8008]

If you are the one moving away and he wants to be the resident parent then I would say he has a good chance. If he doesnt want to be the resident parent then you have to show you are about to lose your property/ go bankrupt etc before a court will let you move away. Just because you are finding it hard doesnt mean the kids are.

Best to get consent from Dad otehrwise expect to spend a lot of money at court with the odds stacked against you.

[HeckyPeck]

It's a tricky one and I can see why you'd want to move. It does sound very stressful.

Any chance he'd follow you if you moved? Or could/would he help by increasing maintenance to allow you to stay?

[pookyandponky]

Yes we are talking 10’s of thousands in debt trying to stay. And already in.
The children are stressed because they can’t do and have little things.
I struggle to get him to contribute to school uniform. So is unlikely to up his costs towards the children.

[DoItAgainBob]

If you are the one moving away and he wants to be the resident parent then I would say he has a good chance.

So resident parents (usually mothers) can get priced out of parenting now?

Really?!

[DoItAgainBob]

Sorry you're in position op. Must be very stressful.

[MrsBertBibby]

How old are the children? Are they likely to prefer staying put but with their dad, over moving away with you?

I very much doubt a Court would prevent a move of that distanced (If it really is only 2 hours on a Friday evening, rather than 2 hours in the small hours, but actually 4 in peak conditions with luck and no RTAs) but unless the children are on board you might have a problem.