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Divorce and access advice

(10 Posts)
jhajo Mon 20-Nov-17 10:07:13


Looking for some advice, please. I have been separated from my ex for 5 years, our daughter is 6, we split up when she was one.

We have had a routine in place since our separation, we had been getting along fine over the last year or so and have done in general since we split.

Our divorce is in the process of going through, we are at the last stage but all of a sudden I have now received a letter from his solicitor stating that he wants to change when we each see our daughter at xmas time.

He is proposing that we take turns in having our daughter , e.g. he would have her from the 24th Dec until the 28th Dec and then I would have her for the same dates next year.

I will be devasted if this happens by not seeing my daughter for this length of time over the xmas period and Im not sure why he would suggest this option if it means he would not see her the following year?

Our daughter has stated that she would like to see both parents as normal.

The normal is plan in place currently is that one parent has her xmas eve until about 2pm xmas day and then we swap the following year.

In the letter it states if I do not agree he will take me to court on the matter, is this possible and what is the likely outcome?

I find the situation very stressful and would not know where to start if I needed to go to court, I am really surprised that this has now come up.

Also, on a separate note, he is refusing to pay me any settlement money, we lived together for 5 years and when I moved out I had to find rented accommodation and he did not help with financial assistance at all. He is now stating that when I moved out the house would have been £20,000 in negative equity, I am honestly not sure.

My question on this part is, am I entitled to any money from the house now? as it would be in positive equity of approx £30,000 or does it count from when I moved out?

Thanks in advance for any advice.

OP’s posts: |
Justbookedasummmerholiday Mon 20-Nov-17 10:10:47

You are still entitled to 50/50 on the hose regardless of when you left. And ime a judge won't make specific arrangements regarding Christmas. Keep to the same plan as usual or arrange yourselves. The one you have sounds best for you dd. Away form one dp over the whole period isn't best for her at all.

jhajo Mon 20-Nov-17 11:11:10

Thanks for reply. Does it matter that I was never on the mortgage? I paid half of everything the whole time we lived together.

OP’s posts: |
millymollymoomoo Mon 20-Nov-17 11:29:36

It makes a difference if you were married or not. If married you are entitled to a fair share of assets and those could be assessed now if not divorced and no final consent order. If not married if your name was not in the mortgage or deeds you wouldn’t be entitled to anything without making a schedule 1 claim I think and then nothing is automatic. It’s costly and unless significant sums involved which there doesn’t seem to be, probably not worth it.

On the Christmas front why not do s shorther period, say 24th to 26th each year? What’s his reasoning for wanting the change and the extended period?

Mynametodaywillbe Mon 20-Nov-17 11:38:38

He is probably too late now to take you to court for this Christmas.

I agree 24-28 December is too long and I believe the court would agree. Remember they care about what your DD's best interests are. Don't be bullied by threats of court.

Also, don't discuss contact arrangements and what your DD would like with her. It's for you to agree as her parents. The courts do not take children's views into account until they are older and it's unfair for your DD to be exposed to disagreements. You just tell her what's happening once you have a plan.

jhajo Mon 20-Nov-17 11:50:31

Thanks for the reply. Yes, we were married, divorce has not gone through yet, still in final stages.

OP’s posts: |
MrsBertBibby Mon 20-Nov-17 14:21:53

The court considers the value of the assets at the time of making the order, not at the point of separation (with some different considerations for businesses and so forth).

So no, even if it is true that it was negative equity when you separated, you are likely you have some entitlement now, depending on the rest of the circumstances.

He is highly unlikely to get a court hearing before Christmas. Stick to what your daughter wants. If he isn't happy, suggest mediation, for next year.

jhajo Mon 20-Nov-17 14:35:46

Thanks for the reply. I am probably going to suggest sticking with the plan as it is and then ask for mediation. Thank you

OP’s posts: |
Runlovingmummy81 Sun 26-Nov-17 17:19:30

I have a child arrangement order issued through a family court. Ours is split Xmas eve to 1pm Xmas day and 1pm Xmas day and boxing day. We alterate this. Seems to work OK at the. Kids are 5 and 6.

SweetIcedTea Sun 26-Nov-17 17:33:12

I'm not sure how you can be in the final stages of a divorce and not be clear on what debts and assets you had as a family at the time you separated.

The split of assets and debts should be clearly laid out in your consent order.

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