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Separated tonight

(12 Posts)
user1475842882 Mon 20-Nov-17 00:42:42

I don’t know why I’m posting this but I just feel so lost and I can’t talk to anyone this time of night.

I’ve been unhappy in my marriage for a long time, he’s controlling and emotionally abusive but can’t see it.

Anyway he confronted me on why I’ve been off and I explained I’m not happy and following discussion ended in him asking if we were splitting up, and I said yes.

I can’t see us repairing the damage that’s done and I’ve been so miserable for so long. We have one DS who is and always has been my priority (one of the reasons he thought I didn’t care about him when actually I did but DS was more my priority). I don’t want DS to grow up in a false world where I grin and bear it, as I can’t be false. I can’t be me in this relationship. I just feel so lost now, and can’t see how this is all going to go from tomorrow.

I don’t know what I’m asking for really, similar experiences or just someone who’s still awake.

Bloomed Mon 20-Nov-17 00:47:14

I'm awake with a cold. Sounds like you've done what had to be done. If I were you for tonight I would just try to soothe yourself. Curl up on sofa with low lights/some kind of cosy thing on tv.

Badweekjustgotworse Mon 20-Nov-17 00:48:19

I'm awake, im sorry you're having a rough time. You need to put yourself first, you deserve to be happy

user1475842882 Mon 20-Nov-17 00:52:11

Thank you both and I’m sorry you’re both still up, hope you get some rest soon. This is so unreal.

Bloomed Mon 20-Nov-17 00:58:14

Are you both in the same house tonight?

Startoftheyear2017 Mon 20-Nov-17 01:00:17

I'm awake with a cold too. My stbxh moved out today after living here for months. Divorce/separation is just a really sad thing all round. But if it happens then you roll with it. I'd suggest couples counselling if you can face it, just so you know you tried. But if you're sure then be strong. I'd rather not be heading towards divorce personally, but only you know the truth about your relationship.
Good luck and keep posting. MN has been amazing to me flowers

user1475842882 Mon 20-Nov-17 01:16:27

Yes I’m in the spare room, he told me to leave a few times but I refused because DS is here and like hell am I leaving him here.

We’ve tried counselling and been close to this once before. I can hand on heart say I gave it multiple chances and nothing changed in fact it got worse. Thank you for your support xx

Bloomed Mon 20-Nov-17 01:20:11

You're right to stay put. Try not to think too much tonight. Do whatever you need to do to comfort yourself and then tomorrow you can start to sort things.

badmgr Mon 20-Nov-17 01:24:26

I'm awake. I left. 2 years on I'm sad we're divorcing but fundamentally know he would never change and I am so much happier and relaxed on my own. We also tried counselling a few times. I'm happy in the knowledge that I tried everything before leaving. The early sleepless nights are hard, and telling the children made me want to just stay unhappily married but after that, it got easier and I know it was the best choice for all of us. Hope you manage to get some sleep tonight.

Runlovingmummy81 Sun 26-Nov-17 17:24:16

It will get harder before it gets easier. But you have absolutely, 100% made the right decision. Stay put. Do not move out. Don't give in to his demands. As he loses control of you he will try and find other things to be controlling about. Don't engage emotionally with him. Seek legal advice. Get your finances in order. Open a separate bank account. Be strong and be brave, your DS with thank you for it. Xxx

MrsOvenell Tue 28-Nov-17 19:30:40

Well done you!! I too am going through the same thing. Mine is a AH and is day 3 of his 3rd attempt at recovery. He is verbally abusive when drunk and controlling and emotionally abusive in between.

There is so much resentment on my part because of what he has put me and my children through. We have already come from a broken and traumatic past and now this from a man I fell deeply in love with and married.

I am
Beyond hurt

UnaDiscamus Thu 07-Dec-17 02:26:32

Tonight just try to rest and stay warm, cuppa tea etc.
Let the dust settle until morning.
Try counselling again if you can.
And try to be kind whatever happens.
Sometimes in the middle of the crisis we feel its better to just finish it.
But you may find you regret that later.
Try to save your marriage, try and try and keep trying.

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