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Divorced and happy

(18 Posts)
NotJustThreeSmallWords Mon 20-Nov-17 00:31:12

Well, I didn't think I'd be posting this a year ago!
I don't want to go into the details, I've posted them many times under various names.
I saw exH a couple of days ago. I'd gone to an event by myself that I though he'd be at but hoped he wouldn't be. Of course, there he was with the dopey gf he cheated on me with. They were arguing. The perfect life he posts on SM does not exist, but I knew that.
I saw the familiar face, voice, mannerisms and felt so weird about it - it was like she was sitting in my chair. But over the weekend I've spent time with people that I wouldn't have met if we hadn't split up. I've had fun. I've danced, I've sung, I've chatted. I'm ok on my own - more than ok actually, I'm better - everyone that knew me before says so but I don't need their validation because I know I am.
To anyone that is going through their shit, you will get there too.

Userqwerty12345 Tue 21-Nov-17 08:21:23

Thank you so much for posting that xxx

NotJustThreeSmallWords Tue 21-Nov-17 09:13:28

I hope you get there too User flowers

iamthrough Tue 21-Nov-17 10:09:46

A great positive post. There are many on here I think who are hoping they can write something similar in a year form now! Thanks for sharing.

SingleAF Tue 21-Nov-17 10:12:24

Happy for you OP. I feel very similarly - about a year on too smile

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Wed 22-Nov-17 07:16:33

Love this post

Doublejeopardy Wed 22-Nov-17 07:58:56

Brilliant post. I remember post my EXH dumping me for another woman I never really found out about but am pretty sure he had lined up I was sitting in a car on the M62 singing along to a song on the radio thinking oh I think I actually prefer my life without him!

I was in pieces for weeks / months then the fog lifted and I felt so much better. Glad you have moved on and are in a better place is so good for your sole X

Olicity17 Thu 23-Nov-17 05:47:51

Thank you for posting this. 6 weeks on i am having a total wobble. Feel so lonely.

yousignup Thu 23-Nov-17 05:54:26

I am so pleased to hear that you are better. Olicity, it will get better, I promise.

dw64 Fri 24-Nov-17 08:43:08

Glad to read this
At the start of the mess you think you will never get over it or how could life be better?? They say it takes time.. Well Im 2years from the terrible day now and and having taen her back 3 times only for it to be thrown in my face. I have began the divorce process last weekend. I see light at the end of the tunnel and cant wait to get there. I have new friends and life is generally great. I havent laughed or smiled so much in years. At the start "time" was scary and lonely but after some "time" things slowly get better. And as they say whats doesnt kill you(and there but for the grace of god..)makes you stronger could well end up on my headstone but not till I have cuaght up on the good times Ive missed over the last 15 years.

WasDoingFine Sat 25-Nov-17 19:15:38

5 months into our seperation. I'm doing ok.

TwitterQueen1 Sat 25-Nov-17 19:21:59

Oh you go girl!! what a fab post, coming back here to affirm how positive life is after divorce grin. I can testify to that. No other woman / man in my case, but how lovely to read such a positive post.

southernharp Sun 26-Nov-17 11:53:11

Well done on finding you again. What a lovely post. For me it has been 18 months and I still struggle with the betrayal and hurt. I hope I can be in your shoes one day.

NotJustThreeSmallWords Thu 30-Nov-17 00:10:25

Olicity, you will get there I promise you.
And Southern, you will too.
It hasn't been an easy ride. I have literally been on my knees sobbing. But it's the strength that you gain from lifting yourself up off the floor, drying your eyes and blowing your nose that does it.
He had 15 years of my life when we were together plus one where he caused me so much hurt and pain after we split up. He doesn't deserve any more of me.

NotJustThreeSmallWords Thu 30-Nov-17 00:15:30

And great to read all the positive messages of others that have got there too. Full respect to us for getting through it flowers gin

Neverexpected2 Thu 30-Nov-17 00:59:31

So glad to find this thread. 6 months since he left us for his now outed OW and her kids after over 20 years together.

I'm struggling to get past the hurt and betrayal and the bitterness that he's just walked off into a stress free life with her.

I really hope that one day I can say the same as you op but it's hard to think that at the moment

Susu88 Sun 03-Dec-17 20:53:08

My now ex husband would dissappear for days on end I won't go into the details, for 6 years it wore me down never knowing when he would vanish, my paranoia got so bad it made me Ill. I would check his phone, emails contacts I became a expert spy. I'll never forget the day my third son was born quite poorly, had to be on anti biotics for infection, had very bad jaundice (was advised by a vicious midwife that he would need a blood transfusion he went to great detail how they would have to completly drain his little body of blood and put a donors blood in instead) , 2 hours later he went missing, my other 2 he left with his mum. So there I was in hospital boobies killing me cos it was first time breastfeeding, constant blood tests, my baby in intensive care, and all the while I'm worried my husband wasn't here with me, he returned 5 days later, sorry won't happen again he said. But something this time was different I hated him. For the next 4 months I spiraled into severe post natal depression not even able to get out of bed. Then one night 1am as usual he was asleep and I was going through his phone....and she messaged him I confronted him and the next morning he told me he was leaving. I was sitting in the bed crying my eyes out with a 4 month old 2 and 3 year old. He laughed in my face looked at the boys and left. I was at me lowest I lost 6 stone in 3 months, had to stop breastfeeding as my milk dried up. I felt like a complete failure. I had no family, no friends for support. I had to claw my way back up, he never wanted to see the boys again. I moved homes, new area, kids are in school, my youngest starting nursery in January. When people realise I'm a single mum to 3 boys under 6 they look gobsmacked, how do you cope they ask. Every time I get asked this question I smile. Because when you left a really bad situation that was draining your very existence VS being a single mum with only kids to worry about (no husband crap) there's really no comparison. No matter our situation our first job is to look after our well being so we can be the kick ass mums we need to be!

Fink Sun 03-Dec-17 21:00:02

Completely agree, OP. I'm so much happier now than I was when married. I'd say it took maybe 6 months to a year before I really felt it but even right at the beginning I noticed some aspects which were better. Getting the decree absolute and (Catholic) annulment gave real closure.

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