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What's next ?!(9 Posts)
So I have previously posted, apologies if this is a long post.
Husband wanted some space a month ago, i went to my mums for a week and then he moved out for 2 weeks. I started a new job in this time and kept things going, kids went nursery every day, I worked, picked them up and then sorted us all out then went to bed.
He Came home, I thought it was because he wanted to. He said it was his mum and sister pressing him to sort things out.
He’s been home just over a week, we had a talk last night. He feels nothing has changed.
He said the reason he left in the first place is because he hasn’t been happy for 6 months, he said even though he can see that I’m working on my mental health issues, via medication, counselling and CBT, and that I’m much calmer as a person, my anxiety makes me worry about everything and he thinks I’m suffocate him. I asked in what way, he said when we watch tv sometimes I sit next to him and just cuddle his arm and he feels suffocated, if he asked me to move I would no issue. I said he needs to socialise etc and be an individual. He agreed but got angry because I don’t go out much, which is my choice plus he can’t handle the kids for more than a few hours without excessively shouting at them.
He asked me what would happen if we split up, I said I’d move back to my hometown as that’s where my family and friends are, and I could transfer in my job. I said I’d want to provide the best I could for our DD 3 & 1 y/o. I said they would be my priority. I explained that he would have pay for child maintenance and a small amount of spousal maintenance (I have been to CAB with figures so all this info is accurate) he didn’t like that. Although he’s happy to pay £300+ a month for his flash car.
He got angry and said “oh you’re clearly leaving then “ he refused to come to bed. Kids had me up at 530am, I came downstairs and he said “I’m going to bed” I said “no you can have the kids I’ve not had a break in weeks” only stay in bed for an hour as he’s making a lot of noise and upsetting kids. Came down and he went to bed.
He’s been using cocaine (I don’t know to what extent) he was selling it a bit and collecting kilos of it from various places on several occasions. He’s got a good job, but since the chap (who’s a cocaine dealer) started that’s where he changed. I told him to stop it and not to bring it in our house, my 3 year old found empty bags with cocaine residue in them.
I’m thinking of getting a restraining order on him once the house sells so that I can change all our names and move back home. He’s not the man I married, I’m also contemplating on reporting him to the police and informing his manager that he was snorting that crap in the back office at work and that he’s had it on him various times while at work.
I don’t even know how I feel, he’s emotionally abused me and broke me down.
Any insight or perspective would be welcome xx
You have got to be selfish and play the long game now. If you report him and he looses his job or goes to prison, can you afford to live without his contribution?
Do you rent or have a mortgage as selling would be difficult if he is locked up and could you afford to stay in the house alone?
I wasn’t going to report him until everything was sold, my hometown is 400 miles away.
I’m going to HR on Monday to get my transfer in place and find out when I could leave. As soon as the house is sold and the money is in my account I’ll do that stuff with the police then. Our home was legitimately bought and all papers trail to that fact.
I’ve already sought advice RE Working tax credits and childcare help costs and I’d be not too bad financially. Any debts would be paid off with the house sale and I’d have enough for a deposit for another house .
How will you arrange access visits? 400 miles is a long way to travel on alternate weeks
Well since I’ve just had to report him for assault the access would be once a month supervised initially in a contact centre.
You are being very strong and yiur doing the right thing for you and your dc. I was in a abusive relationship with him taking drugs. I kicked him out reported to police as it was my house and now im married and most the time happy. Life will get easier and moving is excitibg
He came home yesterday, out of the blue he packed his bags. I asked what was going on.
He said he’s has spoken with his Dad and he’s moving out - even though we were going to try and sort things out.
I said he’s abandoning me and the kids and it’s a valid reason for divorce - he said he doesn’t care. I said if he has any care for his kids welfare he will buy me out of our house so I can move on, it would also mean he ha somewhere to live too.
He said I’m not going anywhere and I’m not taking the kids away. I really don’t know what I can do next
I told the police everything that’s been going on and he explained that I’m being mentally abused.
I went to ask him why he was leaving and he just turned around, grabbed me, screamed in my face and threw me across the room in front of our kids
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