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Can he do this?

(19 Posts)
Dottylives Wed 15-Nov-17 21:56:16

I’m so angry with ex.

He has found elsewhere to live. He has told me what he ‘will’ be taking from our house (rented) which includes tv, sofa, 1 of 2 dining table and chairs, children’s beds, chest of draws plus sound system, Xbox and other high value items.

He leaves me and his dd without all these things. He’s taking all the things ‘he’ paid for... some I don’t care for other than they cost a few hundred £ but others - like the tv and sofa is going to impact on daughter. He doesn’t seem to get that all of these things are joint and it is her needs that matter.

I’m trying to source sofa via free cycles as have no money. Already sorted a bed for her.

Can he do this?

So hurt by him and all he is doing to us.

jocktamsonsbairn Wed 15-Nov-17 23:12:46

No he can’t. Get a solicitor and use the free 30 mins you can get to clarify things. Been there and it does get easier. Take care.

ComtesseDeSpair Thu 16-Nov-17 14:27:52

Are you married? Do you have shared finances? If you aren't, and he can demonstrate that he personally bought these items (i.e. from his own account rather than a joint one) or owned them before you met then yes, ultimately he can take them.

Are you on good terms with any friend or relative of his who could have a word with him about how all this is going to affect his DC. Are you in a position to go for some mediation?

WatchingFromTheWings Thu 16-Nov-17 14:29:48

He can’t take the kids beds if they are permanently living with you. They belong to them.

mustbemad17 Thu 16-Nov-17 14:31:22

Pretty sure he can't take anything that will directly impact on your daughter. If she is staying with you then he cannot take her bed for example.

WeAreEternal Thu 16-Nov-17 14:45:35

You need to tell him it’s family property and jointly owned and he will not be taking anything he likes.

He will not be taking the children’s beds or anything else that is a necessity to adequately meet your DDs needs. (The cooker, fridge, beds, etc)

Of the other stuff you should decide what is more important to you or what is easiest to replace and tell him He can not take the ‘sofa’ but he can have the ‘tv’ for example.
Alternatively you can leave it up to him, “you can either take the sound system or the Xbox which would you rather have?”

If you have two of anything, two dining tables for example, let him have one, if you have a second tv in the bedroom or another room say he can take the other one.

He doesn’t have the right to take everything he wants and leave you with nothing just because he paid for it (if you are a family it’s family money to regardless of who earns it) but you don’t have a right to keep everything either, it’s jointly owned property and should be split fairly, obviously if the DDs are going to be living with you more than 50% of the time you will need the majority of the essential household items though.

doodle01 Thu 16-Nov-17 14:47:15

'No he can’t. Get a solicitor and use the free 30 mins you can get to clarify things. Been there and it does get easier. Take care.'

He could take them if they are his or jointly owned as they are still his also. It at best is a civil dispute.

Doesnt say anywhere that the kids are permanently with you. I assume the kids will be sleeping in their beds at his sometimes.

Dividing home is always fraught

doodle01 Thu 16-Nov-17 14:48:09

family property

Ah yes the family property act ?

mustbemad17 Thu 16-Nov-17 16:30:46

'Sometimes' doesn't warrant him removing the only bed his daughter has from her family home. If the daughter has remained at the family home & he has moved out, the bed stays where it is unless the dynamics change & she spends more time there.

I was told it works along a basis of 'human rights' (urgh). The same as if a bailiff rocks up they cannot remove anything that is considered a basic human right now; so even taking the TV it is the only one in the house could be disputed.

But I would suggest you get some legal advice asap as he sounds like a piece of work! Who would take their child's bed ffs

ThePinkPanter Thu 16-Nov-17 16:34:24

No helpful advice but what an absolute shitey wanking bastard! You're well shot from him.

Justbookedasummmerholiday Thu 16-Nov-17 16:36:13

I would be pouring water down the back of the Tv.

mustbemad17 Thu 16-Nov-17 16:45:41

If he has an Xbox can you accidentally drown it 😏

QuiteLikely5 Thu 16-Nov-17 16:47:38

Are you married?

justabout2016 Thu 16-Nov-17 22:54:06

If it’s jointly owned then yes. If he’s having the children 50/50 then they’ll need a bed at his place too (even if less than 50/50) - so someone will have to buy a new bed for them, whether it’s you or him.

It’s not a nice time. It’s always best if you can agree a fair split of the stuff.

schoolgaterebel Thu 16-Nov-17 23:22:13

Pouring water down the back of the TV will mean that the DD won't have a tv to watch at her DM or DF's house.

Just because he's being a selfish knob, doesn't mean you need to lower yourself to such pettiness.

See a solicitor, fight him legally, it will get easier, every bit if shit he puts you through will make you more resilient there will come a day when he has no hold over you anymore flowers

Dottylives Sat 18-Nov-17 08:46:31

Thanks all,

@QuiteLikely5 @ComtesseDeSpair
Yes we’re married.

He came the other day to move out. Took the sofa after me asking him to re consider taking it so DD Has somewhere to sit. He took it. I got a lovely free one though which is nicer than the old but it’s the fact he put his own needs ahead of his DD.
She’s staying with him every other weekend for 2 nights so not 50/50

I’m seeking legal advice- just need the money to take it forward!

How do people afford to divorce?

I feel like I have been fooled 😔

I’ve gone through the utter heart broken, loss and pain of being rejected and left and now in the angry hateful stage for what he has done to us. What’s the next set of emotions to look out for or is it swinging between the two.

Dottylives Sun 26-Nov-17 16:44:13

I’m trying to keep my cool with ex and to keep my dignity but it is so hard when he doesn’t reply to any messages.
He put pressure on me to agree finances and now, after me mentioning legal advice he is not responding to anything. I’m
Left in limbo without knowing what is happening.
As my counsellor said... he’s holding all the power and being controlling.
He won’t meet face to face so I can’t get anything sorted.
Wondering whether I Should I just instruct solicitors to start divorce...

He makes me so angry and frustrated but at the same time my heart and soul hurt and I want him to snap out of it and come home.

I think I’m in one of the ‘dips’ I don’t like Sundays!

Cambionome Sun 26-Nov-17 18:35:07

Definitely see a solicitor. I'm in the same situation as you and I'm using a solicitor, having mediation etc. The cost us a bit scary, but the danger otherwise is that these selfish men will try to walk all over us.

Good luck. flowers

Dottylives Mon 27-Nov-17 07:41:45

So sorry you’re going through it too @Cambionome.

I just don’t understand how they can change so dramatically.
Stay strong flowers

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