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No longer love my husband - how do I end it?

(9 Posts)
Sparkle2003 Mon 13-Nov-17 09:02:23

I need your advice. I have been with my husband for 13 years and we have a 5yo DS. Things haven't been great between us for years, if I'm honest. DH has had a number of "emotional" affairs, one of which I found out about and confronted him with and this resulted in us going to Relate counselling. I know I am not entirely blameless in all of this. We've both had bouts of depression.... last year, when I was at rock bottom, I told him he would be better off without me and I said I would move out . In fact I have said this a number of times. He says he loves me and pleaded with me to stay. Nothings changed though. The love I once felt for him has gone and I don't think it will ever come back. We don't communicate, there is no affection, no intimacy. Sadly, I don't fancy him any more and I am not sure I even like him very much.
He is a wonderful Dad and does more than his fair share with our DS. I realise I am staying with him because of our DS and I don't want to split up the family, but I am unhappy. He is unhappy. I just don't know what to do! All I know is that I want to be on my own. I want to protect our DS and keep things as normal for him as possible.
The housing issue makes things difficult in that we live in London and we cannot afford to keep two homes. I want to move out, but don't want to leave my DS. I am feeling trapped and just don't know what to do for the best, that will minimise the hurt and disruption I am inevitably going to cause. Sorry for the rambling post... hope it all makes sense. Any suggestions or positive words will be gratefully received. Thanks all :-)

walkingbootsaremuddy Mon 13-Nov-17 18:35:52

Feeling your pain xx sorry I can’t help, I’m looking for the same answers.

BossyBitch Mon 13-Nov-17 18:43:53

I've done this. And it's hard. Eventually you'll have to go there and say 'it's over, and, no, I don't want to salvage it because I don't love you anymore'.

The kindest thing you can do is to be frank and not to string him along unnecessarily. I actually practised my 'talk' before delivering it.

Sorry, OP, I know it hurts just as much when you're the one doing the leaving! flowers

Ohayohay Mon 13-Nov-17 18:49:57

No it doesn't, it really doesn't.

Sparkle2003 Mon 13-Nov-17 19:55:37

Thanks Bossybitch. I know I am hurting him by not being honest about things. He is getting increasingly annoyed by the situation and I suppose sub consciously I have been pushing him away. I don't want to hurt him, truly I don't. He is a good man and a wonderful dad but I will have to be brave and tell him it's over. I just can't see us being able to salvage things now.

Ttbb Mon 13-Nov-17 19:59:59

Have you considered waiting until your son is older? Maybe you could sort out some kind of open set up so that you still get your fill of affection while your son doesn't have to miss out on time with you/his father?

RHOLST40 Tue 14-Nov-17 23:59:00

Have you been in a loveless unhappy relationship Ttbb???

Blossom5 Fri 17-Nov-17 18:02:41

Hi same I have 5 children under 11 and been 14 years same as you in not happy have no attraction he is messy and I am happier when he is not here. Also the same with a big family it's hard to imagine how to afford a 2nd place I have not worked for 12 years

Blossom5 Fri 17-Nov-17 18:04:32

Good advice. And it's so hard isn't it I said this and got back I was destroying the children's lives and I hadn't tried also that I was mad and needed intense therapy (gaslighting is the term I believe used by someone to say others are mad). Im not mad im jiat not at love and at 36 I still have a chance

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