Heartache

[user1499288566]

I love this person beyond words. We have been together for over 5 years. We share a child. There has been more downs then ups. He has put me through a lot, lied about drug use at the start when pregnant, spoken to me badly many times , been a heavy drinker and still can be at times , has never fully been with me raising our child as a family. Ended up going home around 7 times with my baby over his treatment. In the end I got my own place, we kept getting back together. Where we are now is he works away only home weekends which he spends with me. I'm still doing the parent thing alone I'm still running place alone. He gives me 100 pound a week .but it's not like a proper partnership. I want everything 50 50 .he promised when we made up that this was it. He would save for house. Look at working near home etc. It's all changed. Said he thinks this will be his life for long while yet being away. He don't want to sign up for a house when there is lots of room at his dad's for us , which I have never wanted. Now I'm back in the position of here I am again all over place. No closer to being settled .I'm drained I'm hurt I'm angry frustrated. I love this person but know if I carry on like this It will kill me .literally, it makes me suicidal. Just carnt take anymore .Don't understand how something can be so complicated. Now I have to try make myself move on and give up. Yet still see him for our child while inside I'm heart broken that I have to say goodbye to someone I love .help

[wobytide]

No words but suicide isn’t the way out. You owe yourself and your child that. You may have to accept he isn’t going to be what you want, but you need to control what you want to be for you and your child. Never give up, you are worth more alive. Never forget that

[user1499288566]

It's so so hard letting go.i no i need to but I'm just heart broken. I loved this person so much and wanted to spend my life with him