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Legal separation vs divorce

(7 Posts)
Dottylives Wed 08-Nov-17 07:55:08


I’m hoping someone can help clear the fog for me.
Husband moved out a couple of months ago and we are currently trying to sort money etc out. He has said to wait 2 years and then divorce but he’s hurt me so much and destroyed my world that I just want to cut ties (other than his relationship with our daughter) so I can heal. I can’t have this pain for 2 years. I can’t even look at him without feeling pain in my chest and anxious about my future.

What i don’t understand is the difference between legal separation and divorce... it is just that one costs less?

I’ve had advice from a solicitor but it was more about the money side.

I don’t know what I need to be doing to move this forward without costing the earth but to protect my daughter and I.

Any guidance would b appreciated!

MrsBertBibby Wed 08-Nov-17 08:13:51

1. If you reach an agreement, you can have a separation agreement. It is not binding on the court, so you can have a fresh round of hostilities in the future if either of you decides to be an arse.

2. If you can't reach agreement, you can't compel disclosure or negotiation without divorce (unless you apply for judicial separation, in which case you may as well just divorce.

3. If you need pension adjustment, that can only happen when you are divorced.

I almost always advise that divorce is rarely sensible to put off. I've never seen a divorce made easier (in terms of finances) by sitting on it for 2 years or more.

Bumblesbees Wed 08-Nov-17 08:15:59

You may well have to wait for 2 years if you don’t have a fault based ground for it. Separation protects you in the meantime

MrsBertBibby Wed 08-Nov-17 08:18:55

Meh, any decent family solicitor can get a strong enough petition together if you are prepared to say mean stuff.

Poor Tini Owens notwithstanding.

Bumblesbees Wed 08-Nov-17 09:10:15

in my experience if there is no actual fault based ground the other party is not generally keen to be fixed with the costs of proceedings and will challenge if necessary.

MrsBertBibby Wed 08-Nov-17 09:23:40

And in mine, the simple ruse of only claiming costs should the petition be defended neutralises that.

I've been divorcing people for 20 years. I've only had one petition fail, and that was because the guy just couldn't get over the guilt and apportion blame.

Dottylives Wed 08-Nov-17 10:52:21

Thanks all, so....

In terms of finances, we don’t have anything to really sort other than child maintenance payments which have been calculated and a joke!
There is no property or savings.

I have a business which is making a loss at the moment but won’t in the future. (I’m going all guns blazing - I’ll show him!!)

If I don’t divorce and wait - assuming he could go for my business as it will be profitable in 2 years?!

The only other asset is his pension and applying for spousal maintenance.

In terms of grounds and reason -
Desertion- he left us and moved out. He hasn’t really tried to work at us. Marriage counselling just highlighted how broken he was. So he’s decided he’s better off alone and left.

Unreasonable behaviour- he was having an EA for 18 months.
I believe that it went no further that talking so can’t claim adultery.

I moved across the country when we married to be with him leaving my family and business... I sold my house and cleared his debts.
Now he has come into money but I can’t claim for any of it because it has pretty much all gone on clearing debt again.

I came into the marriage with assets and independence- i now have diddly squat!

Daughter is staying with me but I am unsure if I can continue with rent on my own. Have applied for all the help I can get.

I go through waves of being so so angry to just devastation at how this has all happened and how he has left us.

(Sorry ranted on a bit then! )

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