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Kids staying with ex

(11 Posts)
snootydoot Sat 04-Nov-17 20:32:38

What can be done when your kids say that they no longer want to stay with your ex partner? My ds is 11 and is adamant that he doesn't want to stay overnight or at all. It's causing great distress to him.

pinkliquorice Sat 04-Nov-17 20:35:14

Is your Ex partner his father?

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 04-Nov-17 20:36:21

That's hard. What are his reasons and is there court ordered contract or is it a private arrangement?

Would DS want to see his dad during the day then come back to you, or does he what to stop seeing his entirely?

Starlight2345 Sat 04-Nov-17 20:39:02

Do you know why ? He doesn’t want to . Have you or Ds spoke to ex

snootydoot Sun 05-Nov-17 03:06:19

Yes his dad. A private arrangement. He just doesn't like him as he's not exactly the nurturing type. He's bored and left to his own devices whilst his dad pretty much acts as if he isn't there from what I can gather. He says he loves him as he's his dad but he doesn't like him sad

Starlight2345 Sun 05-Nov-17 11:34:30

I think at this point I would talk to about reducing contact or how ex can fix it as he is old enough to have a voice

Justbookedasummmerholiday Sun 05-Nov-17 11:36:38

Days out and home to bed if that's what ds wants to happen.
Tell exh it's a trial if it makes him more accepting of the idea. When he sees how much more free time he has he will likely be ok about it.

butterfly56 Sun 05-Nov-17 18:17:05

Listen to your ds. Your ds is old enough to make up his own mind and should not be forced to see his dad if he is distressed about it.

aleC4 Sun 05-Nov-17 23:04:52

I feel for you, I am beginning to get this with my two.
Ds is nearly 13 and very sensible but also very emotional. Dd is 10 and can be very volatile.
Dd in particular is starting to say she doesn’t want to go.

snootydoot Mon 06-Nov-17 03:39:46

Thanks. I'm more than happy for him not to go. His relationship with his dad has always been hard (dad negative about him since he was tiny..... no idea why). I think he's now old enough to see this.
Personally his dad only has himself to blame. May be it may help heal their relationship if it isn't forced?

MrsBertBibby Mon 06-Nov-17 14:06:57

How about family mediation? Many mediators are qualified to see the child as well as the parents, (not necessarily together) and thus can feed back to you and him what your son is saying, if he won't take it from you.

Might mean you can keep some contact going, rather than a complete withdrawal.

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