Staying in the marital house

[ErnieAndBernie]

So we’re separated and about to start on financial discussions. Civil so far but separated due to him being financially controlling (no access to his earnings/savings, refused joint finances, relationship 20 years but married 3, 2 kids between 5 and 10).
He lives abroad in Europe due to work and comes and stays in our uk family home to see the kids every couple of weekends. The house is on the London/ Surrey borders. It’s currently worth about. £490k and the mortgage is about £280k so good equity and should only go up over time.
I need to explore all avenues available to me, one of which is me and the kids staying in the house till they are older.
Does anyone have experience of doing this? What would be the pros and cons? What happens if you agree to stay till they finish school but you decide after say 5 years that actually you want to move or he wants equity to buy himself somewhere rather than rent? How do things get revised?
Any experiences welcome, I’m the kind of person who likes being armed with info.
My family and friends are on hand to help me with the tough bits but they’ve not been through this before so don’t have first hand experience, thanks.

[rightsofwomen]

Can you buy him out?
Advice is for a clean financial break if possible.

[ErnieAndBernie]

Unfortunately not. I only earn 28k a year and I doubt anyone would offer me a £285k mortgage!
I can’t afford to buy anywhere round here on my own. We’d have to relocate about an hour and a half away

[MrsBertBibby]

You need to see a solicitor. Which bit of Surrey, I cN probably suggest some decent ones if you need.

[ErnieAndBernie]

Clean financial break could be possible. We’d need to do some work on the house first but could sell after that, potentially to coincide with the start of secondary school for the oldest so could have an agreement based on selling in about a year and a half’s time after x amount of work.

[ErnieAndBernie]

@MrsBertBibby Kingston area, thanks!

[Holdtightdontletgo]

I wanted to stay in the family home with the children but exh wouldn't agree. We had to sell the house but it did take some time as we also couldn't agree on the price and some of the offers we had.

I couldn't have bought him out otherwise I would have.

Definitely get legal advice before you try to negotiate anything.

[NotSureIfiAmWell]

Definitely need legal advise. Don't sign ANYTHING without your solicitors say so.

We seperated 4 mths ago and he handed me a seperation agreement that left me with nothing. Since then we have both filled in Form E which has put me in a stronger position as l know what his pension is worth now.

I am hoping to off set his pension against the equity in the house and then take on the remaining mortgage myself.

[MrsBertBibby]

I've found Ian Lipscombe at Pearson Hards in New Malden very sensible and good to deal with. Possibly a shade cheaper than Kingston.

[ErnieAndBernie]

@MrsBertBibby thank you. I will give them a call this week. Much appreciated.

[MrsBertBibby]

Rose and Rose used to be good but James Kiely pushed off to a bunch in Shepperton which may be a bit far for you. Don't know who they got in to replace him.

[Goddamitt]

The solicitor I saw told me that unless the property is much larger than needed that generally it's unlikely my ex husband could force me to sell until my youngest was 18. They said they would put a cap on his equity at the point of divorce so he wouldn't benefit from equity in the future. You really need to see a solicitor. It doesn't matter that you don't know his salary or assets. You will be entitled to at least half. Probably more or spousal maintenance if there's a big disparity in income and future earning potential. I'm in the same boat. Ex lied about money for years. The financial disclosure is very detailed and not disclosing assets is a criminal offence. They take it very seriously.