New member to Mumsnet, so hi to all
Very, very brief background - been married 21 years with 2 kidults (20 and 16). I work fulltime night shifts, husband works fulltime day. Have slept in different rooms due to work patterns and snoring (him not me). Our relationship has plodded along (not fireworks, but decent friends), until the last 6 months - which have been pretty awful. Husband has completely withdrawn from the family.
On Monday night (while I was driving to work) he phoned to say he wanted to leave, it wasn't working, I had pushed him away for last 5 years, he'd had enough. Tuesday/Wednesday, lots of talking, tears (on both parts) I asked him to really think was it worth throwing away 21 years -- we should give it one last try and both agree to make changes (him to communicate, me to be more affectionate).
I also told him he needs to decide what he is doing sooner rather than later and stop keeping me in limbo.
Thursday night - his suggestion was that we both stay at home during the week (he would work later and come home after me), but on Friday nights we would have "date night", then he would drop me off and go and stay with a friend for the weekend, coming home again on Monday evening (after I had left for work) - he thought this would help me, rather than leave me to deal with everything kids/house/dogs on my own.
It seems to me that I will be doing the housework in the week/walking dogs/working then at weekends I will do the washing, ironing, get up early to sort dogs, take and pick up DD from work, walk dogs, do gardening etc., etc. while he stays at a friends.
I've said no - either stay and give it 100% or leave and me and kids can move on.
AIBU? Is he really trying to do this because he cares? Any input/advice would be very, very welcome.
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Divorce/separation
Urgent help/advice needed (sorry, long post)
4 replies
Xmarks · 26/10/2017 23:49
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