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Can't get over this

(18 Posts)
NotSureIfiAmWell Mon 23-Oct-17 09:06:53

STBX and l seperated 4 months ago due to his infidelity. He moved out into rented accommodation and has the children alternate weekends.

When we were a family we did nothing together, mainly because he would be out exercising at weekends whilst l stayed with the boys.

Since we have separated, he and his girlfriend are playing board games with them, pumpkin hunts, firework displays. Basically doing all the stuff as a family that I wanted to do when we were together and never could.

I feel so angry, jealous and hurt that he can now do all this with them and her but never would with me.

Feel so utterly rejected and miserable about it all. The boy's have a much better time with them then they ever do with me

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Mon 23-Oct-17 09:10:43

Please try not to worry. He is obviously trying to show off and be a model dad. This will settle down soon and he'll return to his usual self. Also will possibly cheat on his new gf too.
Sorry flowers

abbsisspartacus Mon 23-Oct-17 09:16:20

Why don't you take your kid's out? Any parent can do fun stuff with kids

kippersandkittens Mon 23-Oct-17 09:18:30

I’ve got this situation too OP. Although I’m trying to see it as a positive because the DCs re having a blast so that can only be a good thing.

K0729P Mon 23-Oct-17 10:38:37

I know that it is extremely difficult that he seems to be a "changed man" it will probably die down after a while.

Who knows, it could be his new partner that is suggesting things to do to help her get to know the children a bit better which can only be a positive for your kids in the long term.

Just try and enjoy your time with them as well as much as you can so that you don't miss out on quality time that you all deserve xx

NotSureIfiAmWell Mon 23-Oct-17 10:45:33

abbsisspartacus - l do take them out. Always have done, but it's the fact that he wouldn't give up his time at weekends to be with us.. and now he is. That's what hurts.

Maybe if we'd done more as a family we wouldn't have drifted apart so much sad

abbsisspartacus Mon 23-Oct-17 11:54:30

They don't change that much they just show there good side to the next one my ex has a girlfriend now he has barely met her and is introducing them to our kids he never takes them out anywhere ever but now she is around he is promising them day trips and everything because she is "outdoors" person like him apparently he spent our entire marriage on his Xbox and the three years since the split on his PlayStation with the kids no parks no day trips nothing and he can drive I can't I've taken the kids on holiday and all over the country

They still love going to his house to watch tv

LookAtAllTheBullshit Mon 23-Oct-17 12:01:29

Maybe he doesn't take his kids for granted anymore because he only sees them every other weekend.
Shitty state of affairs as he could have done more with them when you were a family but chose not to and fell into the trap of I see the kids everyday so I don't have to do anything really.

NotSureIfiAmWell Mon 23-Oct-17 17:49:08

Thanks everyone.

He told me and the boys that he had stopped loving me 5 years ago - he probably couldn't bear to go out as he'd have to be near me

LookAtAllTheBullshit Mon 23-Oct-17 18:06:21

How old are your boys-that's a harsh thing to say.
Yes people fall out of love but to say stopped loving-ouch for them to hear that.

NotSureIfiAmWell Mon 23-Oct-17 19:53:44

10 and 13yrs.

He apparently always knew he would leave - just didn't know when - be it 2 years or 10yrs from now. But then his feelings developed for his running partner and off they have run into the sunset.... after l found the messages in his phone of course!

NotSureIfiAmWell Mon 23-Oct-17 19:53:54

10 and 13yrs.

He apparently always knew he would leave - just didn't know when - be it 2 years or 10yrs from now. But then his feelings developed for his running partner and off they have run into the sunset.... after l found the messages in his phone of course!

maroonishorrid Tue 31-Oct-17 04:36:12

What an arsehole he is to tell your boys that, I agree with PP - he will soon revert to type which doesn’t bode well for his new relationship.
I know it’s hard but try to put him out of your mind as much as possible , when they are off playing happy families make sure you spend the free time looking after yourself, treat yourself if you can or just a long uninterrupted bath with a good book.

Longdistance Tue 31-Oct-17 04:51:50

Sounds like he’s showing off to his new gf. It won’t last long. As long as your dc are having a good time atm. He’ll probably go back to prioritising his running soon, especially as the dc get older. He’s probably warming up to leaving the dc with her, so he can go running 🙄

Greedynan Thu 02-Nov-17 20:16:12

Ouch. That is really hurtful. I'm sorry he did this and is now behaving in a way that you wanted when you were together. That sucks. They say time is a healer. You're naturally having a really tough time right now. Allow yourself some time to adjust but try to invest your energy back into you and your new life. Simple things - good sleep, exercise, time with loved ones. Over time you will look back and realise that life is better without a person who isn't committed and does not appreciate you. Good luck 💐

butterfly56 Fri 03-Nov-17 14:45:35

This situation could drive you mad if you let.
Try and focus on yourself and the time that you have away from the DCs to make a life for yourself.
They are nearly teenagers and they will start doing a lot more stuff on their own soon.
Put yourself first and try and work on your self esteem.
Look into the Freedom Programme.
Get yourself a social life and make yourself happy! flowers

helpmeseethefunnysideplease Sat 04-Nov-17 15:14:57

Your ex sounds like an arse. Repeat it to yourself as much as needed.

HE IS AN ARSE.

Then put him out of your mind and carry on doing the lovely things you are doing with your dc flowers.

NotSureIfiAmWell Sun 05-Nov-17 01:12:33

Struggled this weekend as l had no plans so moped about at home bored.

Need to find more to do

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