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Getting over abusive stbxh

(5 Posts)
butterfly1115 Mon 23-Oct-17 08:58:53

My abusive stbxh ended things with me in January after stringing me along for months saying he would change and wanted to come home. He did this so that I wouldn’t testify on court and I was left feeling used and stupid.

He is very charming and is nothing but nice to me now which confuses and upsets me more. He was truly horrible to me, threatening to kill me and putting me down all the time but for some reason I miss him.

I am doing my the freedom programme which I find difficult as it shows how awful he actually was and shows me how badly he has affected me.

I have no self esteem or confidence as he made sure he took away what little I had left. I feel constantly sad (am on antidepressants) and find looking after my DCs difficult.

Why can’t I hate him, I want to be over him and move on with my life but I can’t. My mum keeps telling me it will take time but I just feel like I’ll always be like this while he moves on with someone else and I’m left in a mess.

I guess I want to know if anyone else had som thing similar? Did you get over them eventually? Do I need to give it more time? I just want to feel better :-(

JaffaCakesMum Mon 23-Oct-17 09:13:31

Yep, my case did go to court in August this year
and he now has a criminal conviction for threatening and abusive behaviour. I know this doesn't help but your mum is right, it will take time and it does get better. Keep with the programme. I didn't do that but I had help from women's aid who made me realise how bad things were and I now currently get counselling which focuses on me rather than him. My advice would be to focus on yourself and not him, it's not easy but the more you practice it the better it becomes.

butterfly1115 Mon 23-Oct-17 10:19:07

I guess I just thought that I would be getting over him by now but I’m still so hurt by what happened and struggle to get my head around the fact I was abused.

ferriswheel Mon 23-Oct-17 11:24:20

Yes. I promise it does get better. I promise. I'm fourteen months on and whilst I have momentarily lapses of the devastation he created I have never regretted my decision to leave him.

Take one day at a time.

That's it really. One day at a time.

In the last week or so I've started to put on night cream and a bb cream, its from Aldi, nothing fancy. But it makes me feel like a person.

Your rid of him. Be thankful.

pinkkoala Mon 23-Oct-17 21:48:35

Having read all these messages i realise i am in the same situation. I left mine in may this year, moved out in june with dd 12. He refused to move out, buy me out or sell.
He is still being controlling, threatening and abusive. I have blocked his calls as he wss ringing me 25 times a day, i didn't answer. The police have been involved as he has been aggressive to my family and me and threatened to put my Windows in in the new house, police have issued him a pin notice.
He is constantly asking me if i havr anyone else, and saying he will have a go at them if i have. He gives me no financial support for dd but supposed to have her 3 nights a week while a work, which on occassion has refused to have her so i can't work, he likes control.
I am having more good days thsn bad but am not sleeping at all, i also work nights. My dd wants to live with him, which i really don't want.
I want to be able to move on and get divorce started but feel too scared as not sure what he will do.
I find it hard to trust anyone and find it hard to let anyone in.
Anybody got any tips or words of wisdom. And please tell me it will get better.

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