Basically, dh need to live separating in the same house for the next few months. Kids don't know anything formal yet but can sense it all. I want to move into the spare room as trying to pretend is making me crazy. A friend has suggested we tell kids that we r having problems and trying to work through it. And mum needs her space to do this. Has anyone done this themselves & how were the kids??? Dh is keen not to tell them anything until all the ducks are ready...
Firstly I hope your doing ok How old are your kids? More often than not kids know and understand more than you think they do. Especially if they older I would think keeping it from them could do more harm.
I think it depends on the DCs age and the situation. Mine are 10 and 12, and we told them. They took it very well, but that's because we are not arguing (at least not more than usually!) and we intend to stay friends. We keep telling them all the things that are not going to change.
If your DC are young and you are likely to argue/cry/be frosty/etc. then it might be best if you keep up appearances and not tell them until you have moving out dates.
My X didn't want to tell ours either but I couldn't lie to them so told them after a few weeks. If you tell them that you are trying to work through it, then they will most likely be more upset when you do separate. I would just be honest, good luck.
If they're young I wouldn't tell them yet, as they won't really understand what you mean and will just worry. If they're little they won't really need an explanation of separate rooms either, or as suggested above say one of you is snoring, or disturbing the other.
For older kids that won't really work, so you might need to be more honest. Tell them you're hoping to work things out, but that even if that falls fails you'll stay friends and all will still be OK
Thank you everyone. My youngest is 10, you're all right. I'm going to be honest. Telling xdh is going to be interesting. I really wanted us to be united but we're just on different pages. He's almost in denial.
I told my 8 yr old son and at the time we were seeing a child psychologist anyway due to his Aspergers. They completely agreed with our decision to tell him. Not surprisingly they see a lot of kids with issues cos the parents kept things from them. They thought how we handled it was great. Lots of reassurance that Mummy & Daddy still love him and nothing is going to change immediately. I mean, how awful for them to wake up one day and find their whole lives are going to be disrupted. I hope you work it out and yes, staying friends might be difficult (for some) but it's the only way forward and in the best interests of the children. x