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NRP and costs- what is fair?

(2 Posts)
DuchessMinnie Wed 18-Oct-17 12:29:23

I posted here recently about my exH demanding that I shared the 3.5 hour drive to collect the children on his contact weekends. I offered a compromise of collection an hour away which he reluctantly accepted, but this month has told me I either do the whole journey or he is not having the children this weekend. I have said fine, they can stay with me and please advise what contact you would like going forward.

He has the DC 4 nights a month, I have then the rest of the time. I cover all costs and parental duties except he has after-school care 2 fridays a month and the travel. He previously blamed a long commute and busy job and bring too tired to travel- now he says it is financial. He has written to say he cannot continue paying the maintenance (CMS basic reduced for his nights and for his GF’s DCs) and after school and travel for his contact days. But, he does not want to reduce his contact as this will push him into the next racket down which will be an additional £70 a month.

I think I am being fair by paying all costs for the remaining 27 days a month and expecting him to cover 4, he says not. I have never asked for an extra £70- to be honest his maintenance is not the fortune he seems to think it is and it doesn’t cover 50% of my costs anyway but he feels very hard done by and says he is in financial difficulty. He earns £52k and pays £500 a month to me. He also received 50% of the marital home equity (£80k) 5 years ago which he says is all gone and he has debts.

He can’t and won’t take me to court so this will never get agreed formally. He just sends me threatening messages every month saying that I am going back on our agreement (I’m not). Is there anything I can do? Would getting a solicitor to write a letter outlining what I see are his options be ok? His options are to have the DC 4 nights and pay his related costs or reduce contact and increase maintenance- probably it’s similar in terms of value.

If anyone has been through this and retained their sanity I would be very grateful to hear. I want to avoid the nasty messages and stress

millymollymoomoo Wed 18-Oct-17 14:55:19

Well tbh I would simply say that you're not doing the travel and that if he wants them he can make arrangements to collect himself

If he stops altogether claim the extra maintenance

The fact he was awarded 50% of the equity and appears to have not used it wisely /and/or has other financial problems is not your issue

You are taking 100% of the parenting responsibility here and it is his choice to make. Whatever he needs to step up re the financial responsibility

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