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Husband fb messaging ex

(6 Posts)
Monica247 Thu 12-Oct-17 17:29:30

I recently found out, whilst on holiday that my husband of 3 yrs had been secretly fb messaging his ex. The only reason I found this out was because I was on his phone looking at photos he had taken of our son on the beach earlier that day and was showing his parents, when her message popped up. I asked him who she was as I had never seen or heard her name and he told me to hand his phone back. This got me suspicious so I opened up the fb conversation and there were tons of flirty messages between them going back 6 months. She was telling him how unhappy she was in her marriage and seemed to be fishing for compliments from my husband. My husband was telling her how beautiful she still was, how he "still would" and how he regretted not doing anything when they were once at her parents house (in their twenties) He had even sent her photos of food he was eating and the scenery when he was at the beach with me and my son earlier that day. There was one message where he was telling her maybe her husband and I should get together and that "She has put on lots of weight since having our son but i cant tell her that haha" He told her about my social anxiety issues, my fear of making new friends and childhood problems i endured. I felt so violated in my privacy because I had told him all this like how a husband and wife discuss.
I can write on and on what else he had written but I feel so helpless and devastated. I have been taking care of our son whilst battling post natal depression, working full time and trying to be a loving wife. This was completely out of the blue. I never ever dreamt he would betray me like this as I always felt that since having a baby our marriage had felt strained due to money pressures, work etc but that we both knew deep down that we loved one another and had each others back.
My holiday was completely ruined. It was the first break we had been on since having our baby and I really wanted to just relax and let my hair down. I was heartbroken when I read his messages as he had been the one instigating the flirting. He has begged me for a second chance as did his parents who came with us on holiday so I felt trapped and unable to get a unbiased view on this. I don't have many friends since I had my son and just want some advice on what I should do. I feel like I have fallen out of love with him and only giving him a chance because I am afraid of raising my son alone. I feel like I don't know my husband anymore and conflicted between hating him and crying over him for hurting me.

TheVanguardSix Thu 12-Oct-17 17:42:30

He threw you under the bus. How awful for you. sadflowers

He's shown you who he is and how little he respects you. He can talk the talk and try to worm his way back into a place of trust between you two, but talk is cheap. I had one of these and I walked. It hurt. It tore me wide open and it was traumatic. Our son was 6 months old at the time. I moved on and remarried. Best result ever. I'm sorry but your DH is a prick and pricks don't change. What a selfish bastard.

Can you go to your parents' for a week or two just to think and get some space?

Monica247 Thu 12-Oct-17 17:51:56

I am not close to my mum at all. We have had a very toxic relationship since I was a child so I know she would make it worse by blaming his actions on me and how I led him to behave that way. I am in the process of packing and moving to a 2 bed flat near his parents so that I can still work full time and pick up my son after work. I have told my husband he can come live with us but I secretly don't want him there.

maroonishorrid Sun 22-Oct-17 15:41:33

If you secretly feel like that then demand some ‘space ‘ and say for the time being you want to be alone to process what he did, it’s the least he could do for you!

If he doesn’t respect your wishes then strengthen your resolve and get rid of the lyingscum bag because it proves he doesn’t care what you think

Teddy7878 Sun 22-Oct-17 15:47:59

This would be the end of the road for the relationship for me. He has totally violated your trust and made fun of you to his ex. He sounds like an absolute arse!!

lou8719 Sun 22-Oct-17 17:36:06

From experience a man like this will
Never change and will
End up cheating . I wasted years in my daughters father giving him second chances and him begging for forgiveness but he always went back to his slimeball self . You deserve so much better . When you have moved on il garnantee you he will still
Be single and totally regretting what he threw away

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