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Kids surname after divorce?

(12 Posts)
Peolealwaystalkabout Thu 12-Oct-17 09:16:47

So just wondered what people do? We weren’t married when our DS was born, but I gave him my DH’s surname as we were engaged. DD also has his surname as we had since married. Anyway what do people do when they get divorced? Keep it the same? double barrelled? Just don’t really want them to have a different surname to me, friend said it can cause problems when travelling too, but equally they are used to his name now (age 9 and 11). So probably not that fair to change it to mine now (although I kind of liked DS having mine for the 1st month). Could make it hard to them explaining things at school too. Any advice?

Longdistance Thu 12-Oct-17 09:24:33

My sil kept her married name. The dc have their fathers name. I've never heard of anyone changing the kids names. You'd have to get the fathers permission for that anyway.

Fresh8008 Thu 12-Oct-17 13:44:25

Don't think its fair on the children to change their names just because you got divorced. Just keep your married name.

EdithWeston Thu 12-Oct-17 13:52:58

You can only change the DC’s surnames if all holders of PR agree.

Also, from their POV it’s their name. You keep using the same name as you did whilst married (if you want to be the same)

Or if you didn’t change on marriage (it’s not clear to me if you did) then nothing’s changed now and you just carry on

Peolealwaystalkabout Fri 13-Oct-17 10:58:24

That makes sense. A girl at my school did change her name to her mums when they got divorced, which got me thinking. I do have his surname at the moment. If anything I just wondered about giving them the option to have a double barrelled surname, but their choice. Don’t think DH would have much of an issue with that. But equally I guess it isn’t too big an issue if they have his name. You’re right, it’s their name now.

chipscheeseandgravy Fri 13-Oct-17 12:11:41

Plenty of children have different surnames to their parents. The whole travel thing is only for some airlines/countries, and a letter is sufficient for them. Just double check before travelling.

If you want to have the same surname but not retain your ex husbands name why don’t you double barrel your name. So your maiden name then his name. You can be referred to as your maiden name for work etc, but on official documents - passports/driving licence etc you could be double barrelled.

It would be unfair to change your kids names, their dad is still their Dad, regardless of if you are married to him, changing their names may be difficult for them.

mintteaandbananabread Fri 13-Oct-17 12:16:26

You can't change your childs name because you got divorced. First because it is their name and not their to reflect your relationship status, and secondly because you have no legal right to.

Ttbb Fri 13-Oct-17 12:21:14

You are the one leaving your husband, not your children-why would they change their names?

rightsofwomen Fri 13-Oct-17 12:26:33

I have gone back to maiden name. I asked the kids. 18 yo wanted to keep Dad's name, 8 yo said he'd like to be called Stephen grin

chipscheeseandgravy Fri 13-Oct-17 13:26:26

Rightsofwomen did you agree to the 8 year olds demands? grin

Peolealwaystalkabout Fri 13-Oct-17 22:28:40

I guess I just didn’t know what people did. Never been divorced before and don’t really know anyone who has separated with kids except a friend who wasn’t married anyway. I’m not dead set on them having the same name as me, just curious what people do and any issues that surround it. I agree, I think it would be unfair to make them change and could cause them problems at school and feeling like they had divorced their dad, which would be terrible. Double barrelling my name is definitely something to consider, although a future partner may wonder why I’d done that I guess. I did wonder about keeping his name for now anyway.

flirtygirl Sat 14-Oct-17 10:54:44

You can have any name you like and so can your children. If they agree and want to change their names to yours they can, the legal bit is getting your stbexh's agreement as he has parental responsibility but this is just a signed and dated letter and then you do a child deed poll and it is changed.

You then send the letter and deedpoll to places like passport office with the other documents required and you can use the name that you have chosen.

I don't agree that the dads name is their name unless they really like it as in everyday life having the same surname of your children does make things easier.

And why would a different name make a child feel like they have divorced their dad, for a child its a practical thing more im having mums name and not oh no, im losing dad.
I have been that child and now my daughters are, they view it like i did. They would rather we all share the same name and that its my name.

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