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When kids don't want to go to their dad's house

(3 Posts)
themuminator Fri 06-Oct-17 17:45:23

What do you do?

Fairly recent split and there have been many arguments through mediation and then solicitors over days per week etc. Now roughly sorted but he is doing all he can to get 3 days per week rather than 2 days per week (so he can pay less maintenance.) I'm not really happy about that much time, mainly because of the emotional abuse to me, and of course I can see now I have left he is starting to do this to the kids too through subtle manipulation.

My older child (teen) is happy to go. Doesn't want to upset the apple cart at all, and even though knows ex has been physically abusive would rather keep seeing dad 2 or 3 days per week ish. That is fine with me and I've said I respect decisions. If they are happy, I'm happy.

My other child (older primary age) is really struggling with spending that much time with dad. I'm trying to encourage keeping to the time with ex, but often just refuses. Which is a tricky situation as there is currently a non-mol in place so I can't just let ex know.

No court orders etc in place, though there is a risk ex might start child arrangements (and of course they might just say it has to be 50/50). Especially if what he wants keeps not happening.

Younger child often decides at the last minute that doesn't want to go. Though I think this is actually because just wants to spend the time in one place. Teen then gets upset at the prospect of Dad getting angry about this, and having to explain it / bear the brunt of the upset.

What do you do? How do you deal with this?

NameWithChange Fri 06-Oct-17 22:13:41

Didn't want to read and run but it sure how to help. If your Ex is determined to be bloody minded and difficult it is very hard on you.

Is there a third party who could get involved and speak to him and explain the situation? Failing that is there someone at the Primary you could speak to and ask their advice?

I have been/am in a similar situation and it is very hard flowers

NotSureIfiAmWell Wed 11-Oct-17 06:50:34

Are the children staying overnight when they are with him?

My children are not keen to go to their Dad's but that's because they want to stay here on their games console's.

There is no history of abuse etc but currently l insist they go as they need to see their Dad and l need my time and l don't see why he should live a single man's life

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