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My husband has left me and my 8 month baby

(4 Posts)
cartersmam Sun 01-Oct-17 23:41:14

This is going to be a long thread!
I'm 28 and my husband is 44. We have been married for two years. He is American, We lived in America, that's where we got married and fell pregnant. We decided to come to back to England. It was his idea as he'd never been and thought we could have a really good life here. We have been through a lot!! When we arrived in England we found out we had to do an immigration process, which meant he wasn't legally allowed to work. As you can imagine, life had been hard as it's been 6 months since we arrived in England. Finances are pretty much none existant and it's been stressful being together 24/7 but when we block all that out, we are good, we have a beautiful little baby boy who is 8 months old. His daddy's double!
Last week, he gave up, cancelled his immigration, and should be flying back to America next week. I am devastated! I just don't understand. We were so close to his visa coming through.. it all happened over a silly argument about the TV being too loud! I have had to let him stay in the house until he leaves as he has nowhere else to go and we have no money. As he has cancelled his visa application there is absolutely no way we can fix this as he would now have to leave the uk.
I just don't understand how he could give up that easy. He must have been thinking it for a very long time surely? This means the chances of him ever flying back to England to see his son are slim. Would life with me have been that bad that it's worth losing his son?! Now we are living in the same house and I am a mess! But he doesn't seem bothered at all. He keeps asking me to help him with flights?! Or still slacking out of jobs with our son, you'd think he would jump at them as next week he will be saying goodbye. How is he not bothered?! I have done everything for this guy, cook, clean, wash, fetch, say sorry, boost his ego. How can he hate me so much as to walk out on us. I would have never given up on us, and I just can't believe he has and that he's done it with ease. Nothing knocks your confidence more than a man twice your age rejecting you. I feel pathetic! I can't stop crying. Every time my son puts his arms up for daddy I think it's my fault that poor baby isn't going to have a dad. I just wasn't good enough to make him stay. What do I tell my on as he grows up?! How do I get a divorce? How am I going to do all this alone? I never wanted a broken family. I would have done anything to prevent this. I don't know what to say to him, or how to act? Or how I should even be feeling anymore.

OP’s posts: |
joopy79 Sun 01-Oct-17 23:50:45

You can do this. Have you enquired about what benefits you will be entitled to? Did you work before you were pregnant? Could you get back into that? Do you have family nearby to support you?

Bythebeach Sun 01-Oct-17 23:58:12

carters - you sound understandably distraught. But please don't blame yourself. He has decided to leave his son but it is absolutely not your fault. Regardless of his feelings towards you, he has a duty as a father to his son and if he is prepared to abandon that, then he is hardly a man worth being with. Please hold your head high and look after yourself and your son. And please remember don't let his leaving crush your self-esteem.

sunflowers4 Mon 02-Oct-17 21:54:07

Please please don't blame yourself! Him leaving has got nothing to do with you and has everything to do with him!its him that has the issues. It you!! I no what you mean about wanting the best for your baby and not wanting them to come from a "broken home". I felt exactly the same way when my ex left! I would have done anything for us to be a family and for my little one to have a mummy and daddy who love each other and are together, but that was taken out of my hands as it has been taken out of yours. Things will get better I promise you, but please do not blame yourself for his selfish actions! These men who can just walk away from all of there responsibilities are cowards and do not deserve us!! Keep your chin up xxxx

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