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Please help my ex is threatening with court

(14 Posts)
Smiggle84 Sun 24-Sep-17 20:03:54

I am desperate for some advice basically me and ex split 2 year ago when my little boy was 3 months old he'd been cheating. Through the first year he didn't really bother with our son just as and when he felt like it. We went to family mediation which I arranged and sorted, we agreed that he would have our son every Friday night and every other Saturday night because he told me "I don't want him every Saturday night because that's my night with "new gf" which I didn't mind. Now however he's starting working away and I don't know from one week to the next if he's going to turn up for him he lets me know a day or two before the Friday and expects me to drop everything for him. He's very sly, controlling and manipulating he constantly threatens with court action against me saying he will get joint custody to as he's now decided he wants our soon more if or when he's home and if he can't have him someone else from his side of the family will. I've heard from a few people he's dealing drugs when he's home but I can't prove it. I'm at my wits end!!

OP’s posts: |
Orangebird69 Sun 24-Sep-17 20:45:26

Were you married? Is he on the birth certificate?

Smiggle84 Sun 24-Sep-17 22:40:12

We were not married thank the lord and yes he's on the birth certificate.

OP’s posts: |
Orangebird69 Mon 25-Sep-17 06:44:54

Ok, so he has PR... I'm not suggesting for a minute this is the 'right' thing to do but in future, don't drop everything. Is he paying any maintenence?

Rainbowqueeen Mon 25-Sep-17 06:53:29

Agree with Orange. Don't drop everything. Send an email saying that given inconsistencies in the past 6 months or whatever you need him to confirm in writing by 6pm Wednesday or whatever works for you that he will collect DS at whatever time on Friday.

If he doesn't then go ahead with making your own plans. Don't tell DS that he is coming in case he doesn't show up.

Keep all communications in writing so there is a record. If he calls to cancel send an email saying " to confirm that you have cancelled your time with DS on X date"

The number of twattish dads that threaten court is huge. But they don't go through with it, he's just trying to control you. If he mentions it again stay calm and tell him to get his lawyer to write directly to you.
Sorry he is putting you through this

Smiggle84 Mon 25-Sep-17 07:40:00

No he doesn't pay child maintenance there's just been a liability order granted for that.
Just this weekend he told me that I need to be more accommodating around his work, I've never denied him access on his days ever and the few times he's asked to see our son and I've agreed most of the time he makes an excuse and doesn't come.
My ex doesn't know this but I have kept all text messages over the last 2 year because obviously I know the type of person he is I've even kept calendars marked on when he's seen our son.

OP’s posts: |
StellaHeyStella Mon 25-Sep-17 07:44:23

Good advice from Rainbow op.
I think your ex is more interested in controlling you than seeing his child.

Smiggle84 Mon 25-Sep-17 09:05:12

He's been threatening with court for months, im just so scared he'll follow through with it and get the joint custody and I won't know who my son will be with or where he'll be. I have kept my son in stable routine and the only time it's disrupted is when my ex shows up, our son never asks for his dad and I've usually got to "big it up" for him to go. He'll open his arms for any of my family or friends so I know it's not an attachment issue.

OP’s posts: |
Orangebird69 Mon 25-Sep-17 09:08:38

What kind of work does he do? If his schedule is as erratic as you suggest, I can't see how any judge would award joint custody when he's not home a lot?

HailLapin Mon 25-Sep-17 09:10:17

Let him take you to court op. In the meantime make sure you write down all of his antics relating to your ds - when he's showing up , threats he's making etc. Keep texts if he's throwing them at you in that way.

It seems like he's trying to wind you up so remain calm and I bet he'll back off.

Btw family court is expensive so if his priorities are simply to piss you off then he's a fool to waste money on doing it this way!

Winteriscomingneedmorewood Mon 25-Sep-17 09:13:19

It's up to him to fit his job around his ds not you to fit your ds around his job. If he isn't even supporting him financially is he going to pay to take you to court?! He is all bull.

GypsieQueen Mon 25-Sep-17 09:17:58

I really don't think he will get joint custody. The court's want to keep the status who and you are the resident parent. Let him take you to court. Cafcass will be involved and tell the your concerns. The court's always aim to put the welfare of the child first.

Smiggle84 Mon 25-Sep-17 10:07:28

Orange-bird I'm not sure on the work he does last month he only saw him once and that was over night so far this month he's seen him 3 times it's never consistent.
Thank you everyone for your words because of the way my ex is and what he says I was doubting myself I suppose that what happens when's your controlled and manipulated for years. I know deep down our son isn't his priority even though he's trying to emotionally blackmail me and say he is all of a sudden, I think it's all to do with money as the threats started when the liability order was put in.

OP’s posts: |
Rainbowqueeen Tue 26-Sep-17 01:16:40

That's really really common for custody to become a threat when maintenance becomes an issue.

I don't think it will come to that, he is sounding like a typical deadbeat dad ( sorry I know it's not what you would want for your DS). Just stay calm, keep records of everything and see if it comes to anything. My bet is no.

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