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Financial settlement- am I being fair?

(27 Posts)
motheroreily Sun 24-Sep-17 16:41:28

I've been married 7 years, but separated for 2. I moved out, my husband stays in the house. I stopped paying into mortgage when I moved out as I couldn't afford mortgage and rent.

My husband paid the deposit on the house (£13k). I've paid for things like new windows, I haven't kept a record of it but probably about £3-£4K.

My solicitor says I should get 50% of the equity. My husband is offering 50% of what the value was when I moved out 2 years ago less his deposit.

I know the starting point is 50/50. But I don't know if I'm being reasonable pushing for that much.

We have one child who lives with me in the week and goes to him at weekends. We both work and earn around the same £28k. He pays maintenance and I pay all childcare plus rent on my flat. if I took what he's offering me I could get a mortgage and hopefully by a two bed flat but there's not many that come up at that price.

I just struggle to know what to do. I feel very guilty for ruining his life - I didn't cheat or anything I was very unhappy and he wouldn't leave so I did. I think the guilt is making me weak.

motheroreily Sun 24-Sep-17 16:44:31

Sorry just re-read that. He's offering me 50% of what the equity (not the value) was 2 years ago minus the deposit

MyBrilliantDisguise Sun 24-Sep-17 16:47:57

But that's not fair - he's been paying the mortgage, yes, but you've been paying rent.

Userwhocouldntthinkofagoodname Sun 24-Sep-17 17:01:20

Have you worked out what the difference in house price is for this 2 year period? Might be a lot but might be very little.

motheroreily Sun 24-Sep-17 17:05:36

Yes the equity two years ago was £60k now it's £100k. So it's a fair bit

MyBrilliantDisguise Sun 24-Sep-17 17:09:33

If you had stayed in the house, would he be saying the same thing?

You need to talk to your lawyer. You were paying rent because you were unable to live in the house with your ex. There's no way he should get the financial advantage now.

motheroreily Sun 24-Sep-17 17:13:04

My solicitor said I should get 50% of the equity now. I just feel a bit weird about it. But I will be in a bad position by taking what my husband is offering. My husband is making me feel greedy and unreasonable

RandomMess Sun 24-Sep-17 17:14:02

You both need to house your DC and you are the resident parent. You are covering childcare costs reducing the size of the mortgage you can take out.

It wasn't a short marriage (did you cohabit beforehand?)

He isn't being fair you need to buy a home in the current market not what it was 2 years ago! Usually parent with care that has reduced earning potential gets more than 50% so a proposal of 50/50 on current value is already lower than what most courts would award.

RandomMess Sun 24-Sep-17 17:15:32

Ignore what your Ex says, what he thinks doesn't matter you and your DC need housing. Sounds like he tries to bully you even now - is that why you left?

motheroreily Sun 24-Sep-17 17:19:41

Yes he is a bit of a bully. I've decided to not negotiate with him myself but get my solicitor to handle it. I can see myself just agreeing to anything.

Altogether we lived together for just under 7 years. Married for nearly 5

MyBrilliantDisguise Sun 24-Sep-17 17:20:31

Can't you see that he's the one being greedy? He made you leave. He made you pay rent. He's trying to make you accept a lower offer than anyone else in the world would consider to be fair. He is the greedy one. Don't let him get away with it. And if he tries to renegotiate, eg go a slightly different offer, say no, bugger off. Let your lawyer deal with it - that's what he/she's paid for.

Just out of interest, what was the rent compared to the mortgage over that time?

motheroreily Sun 24-Sep-17 17:24:31

My rent is about £150 a month more than the mortgage. I rented the cheapest two bed place I could find

Thank you, you've given me a good kick up my bum. Which I need. I'm an awful people pleaser and need to get a grip

MyBrilliantDisguise Sun 24-Sep-17 17:31:28

OK so you have spent 24 x 150 more than he has - that's £3,600 and you had the inconvenience of the move.

Tell him to sod off. He's bullying you. Let your lawyer deal with him and refuse to speak about it except via the lawyer.

motheroreily Sun 08-Oct-17 04:28:32

He is refusing my offer. He said he’ll pay me the amount he can borrow (about 30% of the equity) but that’s it. My solicitor proposed I kept 20% share of the house to be paid in the future.

So now he’s saying he won’t agree to the divorce. I’m worried we’ll end up spending so much on court and solicitor bills. It’s about £18k we’re arguing over. Could it end up costing £18k?

We’ve been separated two years and planned to divorce for that reason but if he refuses I’ll have to divorce for unreasonable behaviour. We’ve been separated so long I don’t have any recent unreasonable behaviour examples ahhh

AJPTaylor Sun 08-Oct-17 06:45:05

call his bluff. the issue isnt going to disappear. if you dont divorce and in 3 years time he meets someone and wants to he will havr to pay you 50 percent then which will be more.

KanielOutis Sun 08-Oct-17 06:52:23

He has to buy your share at todays value. I bought ExH out an I scrimped and saved every penny, and took an uncomfortably high mortgage, because to delay buying him out would have cost dearly. It is the same here. Your share is your share, whether it is paid now, in ten years, or when the youngest is 18. The percentage remains the same, but the figures are different. As PP advised, I’d be looking at more than 50% too. I had a much higher share to reflect the disparity in pensions.

RandomMess Sun 08-Oct-17 08:06:41

Has he even got a solicitor?

bastardkitty Sun 08-Oct-17 08:11:25

Don't cave. He IBVU and cannot go to court as he will not win. Congratulations on leaving him though - he seems like an arsehole.

Blackcatonthesofa Sun 08-Oct-17 11:37:56

I feel that if you go for 50% of the equity now that your 50% share of the mortgage of the past two years should be deducted. Not paying into the house or it's upkeep but getting a share of the market rise sounds wrong to me.

Imo in divorce it is only fair if you can turn it around as well. If you would have stayed in the house you would be peeved that exH would get the extra benefit without doing anything.

bastardkitty Sun 08-Oct-17 11:52:34

^ This is incorrect because he benefitted from living in the house and paying the mortgage which was cheaper than the rent OP paid to house herself and her child.

motheroreily Sun 08-Oct-17 12:46:53

Thanks for your replies.
blackcat that’s his thinking too. But if I’d have stayed in the house he’d have wanted half too. I couldn’t afford to pay half the mortgage and rent on a place too. But can see it looks unfair at first glance

motheroreily Sun 08-Oct-17 12:48:45

He does have a solicitor but I’m unsure of them. He wants all the finances signed off before we file for divorce. But my understanding is they won’t be legally binding. His solicitor drafted a financial agreement which seems odd to me

bastardkitty Sun 08-Oct-17 12:52:31

They are just trying it on. The solicitor is acting on your ex's instructions - nothing to do with what's right or fair. Maybe just politely tell them to get to fuck as you will not be accepting less than 50%.

RandomMess Sun 08-Oct-17 13:05:43

Have you been to mediation? If not you need to, then if you still can't agree it goes to court.

What is child residency split?

bastardkitty Sun 08-Oct-17 13:31:15

If you did mediate, tell him you want 70% and that's what your solicitor says you will get in court. Let him negotiate down to 50% and not a penny less. If he won't settle for 50/50 at mediation he will look a cock in court and you may get more.

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