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Dad pays for things on his days as I do on mine?

(20 Posts)
LanaDReye Wed 20-Sep-17 19:30:43

My ExH keeps telling my DCs to bring pocket money (from me) around to spend on his 2 days a week. I don't get maintenance for these 2 days. He also moans when they ask for packed lunches (if they chose cooked meal then I pay as an automated system).

I have said he should pay general school costs and days out on his 2 days. He wants to know where this is written online, i.e. government website. Anyone have good links?

AtomHeart Wed 20-Sep-17 19:33:20

He's a dick.

Longdistance Wed 20-Sep-17 19:34:05

When he has them, he pays for them even in school.

I can see why he's an ex grin

Qvar Wed 20-Sep-17 19:34:44

Just tell him if he doesn't want them, he doesn't have to have them. There is no law to make him not be a useless deadbeat cunt

Aderyn17 Wed 20-Sep-17 19:50:10

Maybe it's time to get the maintenance looked at again. If you had 50/50 residency, he should be meeting 50% of the costs. You shouldn't be paying lunch monry on his days. Honestly he is totally taking the piss tell the kids to always ask for packed lunch

LanaDReye Wed 20-Sep-17 20:57:00

Thanks for advice and Aderyn You made me laugh. They do tend to ask for packed lunches grin

I wanted to see if he was being a twat or I was expecting too much -- so happy to not be with him-- .

Onlymeeeeee Wed 20-Sep-17 23:24:48

My ex (bless his cotton socks) thinks that as he has the children 8am-8pm one day per week, a school day, he only has to pay 1/5 of any costs. Looking forward to when the claim for spousal maintenance hits him. Perhaps they live off fresh air at weekends? He also claimed he could reduce his contribution further when the youngest let slip I'd got tax credits.

LanaDReye Thu 21-Sep-17 07:00:09

Onlyme mine told me to apply for wftc so he could pay less too. He wasn't happy when he found out it doesn't affect maintenance payments 😂

Say to your ex that maintenance if you have DC fulltime is based on 7/7 days. If he takes a day it's 6/7 (he drops 1/7).

It's so tatty isn't it?

Mine had affair and left and wants to see DCs, just doesn't want to make anything straightforward. It's worse since I have been dating. It's over 18 months since split and he's still a twat!

LanaDReye Thu 21-Sep-17 07:01:06

Twatty not tatty!

DuchessMinnie Thu 21-Sep-17 10:10:35

Mine's the same- when he used to have them on weekdays he insisted that I paid the bills for after school and breakfast club on his days. Meanwhile he took advantage of his company's childcare voucher scheme... for his girlfriend's DC.

greenberet Thu 21-Sep-17 13:27:08

I get this too - wtf is wrong with these men - my Dd asked for some clothes money _ my x sent her a long email saying I get CB, ctc, measly spousal and cm - he currently is paying £65 a week for both his kids and he earns Approx £90k - he hardly feeds them unless he wants a meal out - just so tight with money for kids so I have to pay out more. Takes advantage of bus pass I got Dd for when she goes to him twats alright!

Minime85 Thu 21-Sep-17 20:33:33

It's not written on line but it is written in good morals and good dad behaviour! What is wrong with men. My ex and I do have it he pays on his days. My ex is a dick in other ways!

HalfMyLife Fri 06-Oct-17 16:52:07

Oh - it's not just my dick of an ex then......
STBXH has the kids for a few hours once every 3 or 4 weeks - last weekend they actually stayed over for the first time in 3 months and he agreed to take DD to her swimming lesson. He texted me the night before telling me to make sure there was bus fare for the kids in the swimming bag as he had no money spare. When i replied saying that i didn't have any money spare either he told me that I needed to tell DD (who is 5!!) that she couldn't go to her lesson then because he's got no money because I "wanted more maintenance so now he can't afford extras like food for the kids, or bus fares"
He thinks that because he pays £50 a week (which i had to get through Direct pay as he refused otherwise) that i should cover costs on the odd day that he has them.
I am so glad he's an ex!!

bastardkitty Fri 06-Oct-17 16:55:22

Quite scummy at the bottom of the barrel isn't it?

RandomMess Fri 06-Oct-17 17:39:49

Point out the obvious the reason why CMS is reduced for the time he has them is because he had to cover their costs on those 2 days.
Also point out that CMS is the minimum recommendation to cover bare essentials....

I would be tempted to start the sentence "are you thick? What do you think the reduction is for..."

misswhatdoto2 Mon 16-Oct-17 21:31:06

Haha! Reminds me of my xh! Latest has been where he was questioning why I wasn't buying kids Halloween costumes as they will be with him and I assume taking them out trick or treating 😂 he does pay an extra £12 pw more than what cm calculator says you know!

CaptainM Tue 17-Oct-17 12:02:16

Ha ha - good to know I'm not the only one with a twat of an ex! Mine refuses to pay for any of their clubs. At least, court order now states he has to take them to their classes when they're with him. He's now asking that child benefit and tax credits be shared between us, even though he still only pays £7/mth through cms and contributes nothing else!

HalfMyLife Tue 17-Oct-17 14:10:17

CaptainM - what a knob. Mine tried to claim tax credits for our 2 - I had to fill in a 5 page form for each of the DCs confirming who paid for x, y & z and how many nights they spent at each house.
As they'd only stayed at his house twice in the 5 months since he left and I pay for EVERYTHING, they just laughed and carried on paying the TCs to me.

Frouby Tue 17-Oct-17 14:54:10

My ex presented me with a carefully calculated bill based on my tax credits award he had worked out and family allowance.

Apparantly as he had dd eow he was entitled to 1/7 of her benefits. Even tho he had not paid csa for months and rarely had dd due to his job. He was still entitled to it because that was benefit paid for dd.

How we laughed.

DuchessMinnie Thu 19-Oct-17 08:45:24

Why is this so common? My xH now thinks that paying for fuel to collect his children on contact days should be shared. He pays me maintenance so shouldn’t be expected to pay for fuel too. Obviously the CMS maintenance is highly generous and keeps me in exotic holidays and manicures so why should he fork out an extra tenner for petrol to pick his DC up?

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