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How long to get used to being single

(13 Posts)
tadpole73 Mon 18-Sep-17 21:38:12

For those of you who had been married/living with your partner for years ie 15 years, how long did it take you to get used to being single, feeling safe living alone, not feeling vulnerable and starting up a social life?

marriednotdead Mon 18-Sep-17 22:01:05

My ex moved out just over 2 years ago after 13 years.

The first few months were a bit of a rollercoaster emotionally but in all honesty, it settled far quicker than I expected. I suspect that may have been because I had already mentally checked out long before then.

Feeling vulnerable isn't something I'd thought about although to be fair, my just past teen DS is still at home with me. Socially, I found some friends were more available to spend spontaneous time with than others, and I joined a meetup group in the early days which filled the gap when I wanted company. I love not being chained to cooking a Sunday roast every bloody week hmm

I'm now at the stage where I wonder if I'd have time for a relationship if someone came along so I guess life is ok smile

The other thing that surprised me was my willingness to go solo if I didn't have company. You get to know yourself better. If you're about to embark on this, let go and enjoy yourself smile

tadpole73 Mon 18-Sep-17 22:12:13

Thanks MarriedNotDead

PurpleWithRed Mon 18-Sep-17 22:16:56

I initiated the divorce (18 years married) and it took ages to sell the house so by the time we actually separated I had more than adjusted, I couldn't wait to live alone.

LanaDReye Wed 20-Sep-17 19:23:42

Off antidepressants by 6 months
Dating other men 7 months
Fairly normal 12 months
Can't believe we were married 18 months

Autumnskiesarelovely Fri 29-Sep-17 22:53:45

Immediate relief from the stress
2 years feeling calm and relaxed just being a parent / working, Ex bit rubbish with chikdcare.
3 years later moved nearer family. High stress from Ex. But support was amazing from family
4 years later with regular babysitting from family, got huge new group of friends, started dating. Working in lower paid but less stressful job.
5 years later couldn't believe I'd put up with Ex ever, so much happier.
6 years later met a better man.
8 years later had another child.

sunflowers4 Sat 30-Sep-17 06:45:37

@Autumnskiesarelovely it's lovely hearing stories like this - I am only 8 weeks separated and it's good to hear that other people have been through it and are now happy with a new man and another child 😊.

Achoopichu Sat 30-Sep-17 06:49:54

After 20 years together, took about 3 years to be completely normal again I'd say

Autumnskiesarelovely Sat 30-Sep-17 11:12:00

Thanks sunflowers, actually just separating from man 2! But I really, really don't regret ever separating from man 1.

Trying to remember this as only 3 weeks separated again myself!

sunflowers4 Sat 30-Sep-17 13:00:40

@Autumnskiesarelovely awwww so sorry to hear that! Lots of hugs! It's hard but at least you no you can get through it! Lots of support on here with people going through similar things x x

MyMorningHasBroken Sun 08-Oct-17 00:08:07

Straight away! Seriously, it's been 2 years since I left and I love being on my own.

Lonecatwithkitten Sun 08-Oct-17 08:30:37

I never felt unsafe, but I have a dog and quite frankly he was my saviour when DC were with Ex I still had to get up feed him, let him out and walk him.
I didn't routinely feel vulnerable there were a couple of incidents the main one getting norovirus at a festival when DC was 10 and being so ill I could barely move. I told DC to go and find a steward which she did, they were amazing and helpful.
It took me time to learn to love myself as Ex had worn me down so much.
Five years later I have met the most amazing man who is everything my Ex was not.

Whereisthesunshine Sun 08-Oct-17 09:21:10

Separated from h now 14 months (his choice not mine) and I really don’t enjoy living on my own. No children. I’m in a bit of a dip at the moment, feeling lonely and teary a lot, but I’m not ready to date yet so can’t see my situation change anytime soon.

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