Talk

Advanced search

What's financially reasonable?

(24 Posts)
Internetaddict17 Sun 10-Sep-17 10:33:20

Splitting with my husband due to his alcohol and drug abuse. He is the main earner.

He has agreed to continue paying the mortgage on our house so I can continue living here with the DC. He expects me to cover everything else.

After paying bills and childcare I will be left with £477 a month for food, petrol, clothes and any other expenses.

After paying the mortgage here and then rent and bills on a place for him to live Ex-DH will be left with £1,000 for food, clothes and alcohol and drugs for himself. He will basically come out of this situation better off as currently we only have a couple of hundred pounds a month each to spend on ourselves.

Can I ask him to contribute more? The mortgage is £1600 a month and CSA would only be £600, so I know he is paying way more than he has to. But still it seems unfair that he basically gets to carry on his lifestyle while we will be counting pennies.

And before anybody says I do appreciate others have less money to feed themselves and their children. But for us this is a big drop and it's going to be a struggle at first.

OP’s posts: |
Manclife Sun 10-Sep-17 10:42:31

CSA would be less so feel free to ask for more but if he kicks back and insists on CSA involvement you're in an even worse position.

Afterthestorm Sun 10-Sep-17 10:45:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Internetaddict17 Sun 10-Sep-17 10:54:43

The only asset is our house. It makes no financial sense to sell it as the mortgage is much less than rent would be for a property big enough for me and the DC.

No savings or anything else to split.

OP’s posts: |
millymollymoomoo Sun 10-Sep-17 15:45:54

Agree with others that you need to see a solicitor. I can't see the proposal working, at least as a long term solution. You need to agree what will happen to the house, whether you can get a mesher order or not and agree %. He may be required to pay spousal at least for an interim but only your solicitor will be able to guide you.

You can certainly ask for more-what happens when he says no and also changes his mind re the mortgage now?

MrsBertBibby Sun 10-Sep-17 15:54:52

Have you applied for tax credits?

Internetaddict17 Sun 10-Sep-17 16:54:26

He only left two days ago so I've not done anything. I looked online and it suggested I'd get £900 a month in tax and child credits but that seems unlikely on a salary of 35k?

OP’s posts: |
Afterthestorm Sun 10-Sep-17 18:46:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Internetaddict17 Sun 10-Sep-17 19:34:46

Yes I did it as a single person. No disabilities but childcare costs for 2 kids very high.

OP’s posts: |
Mrskeats Sun 10-Sep-17 19:39:39

Of course you can't expect more than cms.
Follow up the tax credits plus you will have the child benefit too surely?

MrsBertBibby Sun 10-Sep-17 19:53:07

Mrskeats, you may have a moral objection to women getting more than CMS but that isn't the legal position. A wife left with severe ill health, young children and a hefty mortgage has a strong claim for substantive maintenance.

And why you think the taxpayer should make up the shortfall, rather than a high earning husband beats me,

Get to a solicitor, OP.

Internetaddict17 Sun 10-Sep-17 20:04:51

Child benefit of £34 a week isn't going to cover very much! Childcare alone is almost £1500 a month.

I do think the non resident parent has a moral obligation to cover a more realistic proportion of the cost of bringing up children.

OP’s posts: |
Mrskeats Sun 10-Sep-17 20:07:33

There's no mention of disability is there though?
If cms says 600 and he's paying 1600 then he's paying masses of spousal support isn't he?

Mrskeats Sun 10-Sep-17 20:08:21

But won't tax credits cover the childcare?

Mrskeats Sun 10-Sep-17 20:09:09

The courts aren't interested in moral obligations only legal ones.

MrsBertBibby Sun 10-Sep-17 20:12:58

And plenty of husbands are fixed with that obligation.

I should know, I get enough maintenance orders for my clients.

And yes, no illness. Thread-bleed. But my point stands, OP is perfectly justified in seeking proper maintenance, if so advised.

And no tax credits don't cover 100% childcare costs.

Internetaddict17 Sun 10-Sep-17 20:19:57

I don't see him covering the mortgage as spousal maintenance. It's to give the kids a home! i earn enough to support myself and could pay the mortgage here alone if it wasn't for the £1500 a month childcare bill.
That's surely a joint cost along with all the other costs of having children?

OP’s posts: |
Muddlingalongalone Sun 10-Sep-17 20:26:21

You need to ask a solicitor but maybe it would be better to get an agreement on the house for the future based on current equity, pay the mortgage yourself (gain the equity) and ask him to pay childcare or 50% of the childcare plus maintenance amount (CMS minimum if you have to?)

Twillow Sun 10-Sep-17 20:40:33

Childcare bill sounds incredibly steep! Is it worth looking into a nanny/au pair as an alternative?

Internetaddict17 Sun 10-Sep-17 20:50:01

It's the norm for where I live. I have one in baby room at nursery and one child in before and after school clubs.

A nanny would cost a lot more and an Au Pair is not for me.

OP’s posts: |
babybarrister Sun 10-Sep-17 21:17:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

millymollymoomoo Sun 10-Sep-17 22:55:15

Would suggest you be asking for spousal support at least until your baby is out of nursery to help cover these costs. Please see s solicitor and don't agree to anything without seeking their advice

OverOn Sun 10-Sep-17 23:03:25

Start a claim for tax credits etc as soon as you can. There is a website called entitledto that you can check for benefits.

Who is on the deeds of the house? Don't make any decisions that focus on short term only - your DC will both be at school in a few years when your childcare costs should go down substantially.

Get legal advice asap - you could do with knowing where you stand on home equity, pension sharing and spousal maintenance.

Starlight2345 Sun 10-Sep-17 23:14:19

As you are working I don't think you would get spousal maintenance ( may be wrong though. )

If you know his income you can look how much you would get through CSA.. However unlikely to be more than mortgage..

You would be crazy not to at least discuss your options with a solicitor.

What you think morally he should do and what he legally is expected to do are not the same.

Also do consider if he is abusing drugs and alcohol there may become a day when it all crashes around him then you will have no maintenance from him.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in