This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Unreasonable behaviour(9 Posts)
If I put UB down as the reason for divorce, H will dispute it saying he was a great husband and father. If he then counters that I am unreasonable (tit for tat), does that have any bearing on settlement etc?
I don't really want it to drag on for two years. He has been emotionally abusive and recently, financially controlling. He thinks he is great though.
I almost feel like offering for him to put I was unreasonable just to stop everything being drawn out but wondered if that would mean I am somehow at a disadvantage.
None whatsoever. The only people that would ever see the reasons are you two, your solicitors and the judge who stamps the divorce. Mine never thought he was unreasonable but when he read the petition he had to agree with it, was all facts. It will cost him to contest it so rarely worth the hassle and expanse.
I am currently in the same situation, he just can't see how bad his behaviour has been and still is even now we are separated and have been since March.
The advice I have received is that us has no bearing on the divorce itself. Filing under UB just mean that the divorce can be processed within 6 months without having to wait 2 year. I think he can add comments without actually contesting it which again I have been advised it will have no bearing on the decision.
Have a look at wikivorce website and there is some great help on there on how to go about applying for decree nisi.
My STBXH didn't contest the petition, but his acknowledgement had a note on it saying something like 'although our client acknowledges that the marriage has irretrievably broken down, he denies the grounds of unreasonable behaviour'. That's pretty standard apparently so that the petitioner can't then claim court costs. The grounds just need to be unreasonable to YOU, the Petitioner - and there's little point, and a lot of cost for the Respondent to contest it.
@halfmylife mine did the same. I wasn't told it was normal though. Really annoyed me as I held back on the reasons and didn't put the worst of it down.
I felt the same and didn't want a fight on top of everything else!
I got advice from a lawyer before doing all the paperwork myself. It's not the received wisdom on MN but he's an experienced lawyer and it worked for me.
I simply stated that we'd been living apart since xx, hadn't shared a bed for xx months, had made a private agreement on finances and the marriage was over.
So I didn't actually give any reasons of unreasonable behaviour but it was clear we were completely apart.
A friend did the same in her divorce and it was sent back so I was worried I'd given her terrible advice but it turned out she'd put down the wrong date of marriage (?!) and when she resubmitted it with the right info it was accepted. That was this year and they were divorced within a couple of months and they have a child, so was more complicated than mine.
@faithless - I was glad i'd read (on wikivorce i think) not to be surprised if it came back with that statement, as i would've been fuming otherwise that he had the audacity to deny things that were facts which could have proved if necessary.
Anyone filled in their own consent order and submitted it to court that can offer any words of wisdom?
Please login first.