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Just a cheery post for you newly separted

(38 Posts)
IrritatedUser1960 Fri 01-Sep-17 07:36:39

A year ago my world completely fell apart when my husband of many years just upped and left when I was in hospital.
The next few months felt like the nuclear winter of grief, somehow I had to get to work, I hardly had enough money to eat, I had all the divorce legal stuff to deal with.
I cannot describe how awful it was and suicidal thoughts crept in more than once.
Roll on one year, I kept my house, I have lost 2 stone, I have a fabulous new job and have just treated myself to a new wardrobe, I have wonderful friends, a great social life and I am happier than I have been throughout the duration of my marriage.
I finally feel as though I have found myself in the autumn of my life.
I realised the hard way that he was not my soul mate nor the love of my life he was actually quite controlling and I was losing sight of myself as each year passed. I must have been crazy to put up with the shit that I did. I had a view of my marriage that did not match the reality.
He is the one who is now regretting our split and wants to come back but I don't want him back, I have found my self respect again and I don't need to be treated like that.
I am finally living the life I have always wanted to live and I'm happy.
I never thought I would be happy again without him but I really am smile and I feel no need for another relationship - I'm happy as I am.
Take heart people, it can turn out well.

IrritatedUser1960 Fri 01-Sep-17 07:39:24

That should say separated - this keybaord has sticky keys smile

PurpleWithRed Fri 01-Sep-17 07:39:51


PurpleWithRed Fri 01-Sep-17 07:40:11

Doh! try again flowers.

Cobblersandhogwash Fri 01-Sep-17 07:48:15

That sounds amazing. You obviously are amazing!

I can't imagine being happy like that.

IrritatedUser1960 Fri 01-Sep-17 08:00:49

Thank you, neither could I, there was one point where I thought suicide would be the only way. I'd never have thought life could be this great.
it's amazing how much you kid yourself when you were married, I'd tell everyone we were really happy when I dreaded waking up next to him in the morning.
I hope you get through it all too.

CaptainM Fri 01-Sep-17 08:14:48

I could've written your post! One year later, and my separation (soon to be divorce) has been the toughest experience yet the best gift ever!

Still no relationship with stbxh but I can see that he's finally learning to parent - organising activities and enjoying them with dcs. Feels like they finally have the daddy I wanted for them, although it has taken a separation/divorce for him to get more involved.

On my end, I finally have the life I'm supposed to have - more time to myself, for my family and friends, the occasional lie-ins (when dcs are with ex), work that fulfils me, ability to plan ahead and organise self/time with children, a happy, calmer (even though, smaller) home and so much more!

Yes, my divorce is fast becoming the best thing that ever happened to me. Who would've thought, eh?!

Hang in there, people. It really gets better...x

IrritatedUser1960 Fri 01-Sep-17 08:20:59

Great to hear that CaptainM.
I think we all need to hear this when newly separated, hence this post.
There is life after divorce - good, meaningful life.

Neverwantedthis Fri 01-Sep-17 08:39:13

I'm so happy to have found this thread. I'm only 4 months post unexpected break up after 21 years together. The OW I expected but he denied has now materialised and I feel like my world has fallen apart again. I'm trying to stay strong for the kids (he left me with 3 under 7) but I just can't imagine ever being happy again or actually ever trusting anyone again

I'm so happy it had worked out for you all, gives me hope

knobblykneesandturnedouttoes Fri 01-Sep-17 10:53:11

This is lovely, and I can't imagine reaching that stage. I am just functioning. Really doing my best to get through each day without falling apart. I was the one to leave, I absolutely know I made the right decision for me and my kids, but I miss my abusive ex so so much. People tell me they're so proud of me, I'm strong, they don't know how I do it, but I think it's easy for them to say. They have no idea how much I'm struggling inside. Literally think about him all the time. A few days ago I sat and wrote a list 6 pages long of bad things he did, because I was starting to feel I was better off with him. Can anyone tell me how long it took to stop loving their ex. I just don't want to 'feel' any more.

knobblykneesandturnedouttoes Fri 01-Sep-17 10:54:02

Ps it's now 6 months since I left, been together 15 years. 12 year old and 2 year old children.

JaffaCakesMum Fri 01-Sep-17 11:22:19

Its been 1 year 3 months since we separated, so not newly separated and we still haven't got a separation agreement sorted (due to him). You post is lovely and I know that life will get better for me but it's still so hard to believe that right now. We had been together 27 years.

butterfly56 Fri 01-Sep-17 11:58:26

flowers ...Fantasitc to hear your story and how you managed to turn your life around and your own deserve it! smile

Pleasedontsaythis Fri 01-Sep-17 15:47:57

Nice to hear a positive story. I hope to get there one day. It's still very hard for me 1 year after he left and I am often years. I feel lonely.

Your story gives me hope.

alittlepieceofme Fri 01-Sep-17 19:31:00

This post has definitely given me hope! It's only been 2 weeks since ex walked out on me and 9 month old baby so things are still very raw and he is adamant that he is not coming back! I've been to counselling already which made me feel better. Hopefully I'll get through this and soon!

Cambionome Sat 02-Sep-17 21:25:31

Just starting the whole process of separating and very pleased to hear your story, op! Thank you for posting. flowers

Mambot Sun 03-Sep-17 20:34:47

Yay for this!!! ❤ love to hear that, thanks for posting xxx

tadpole73 Mon 04-Sep-17 21:50:14

So pleased to hear and thanks for writing this, it does help others about to embark ploughing through the crud. Well done for not allowing the split to destroy you, I'm sure you have had to work hard to keep your head above water at times.

Lightheartedindeed Mon 04-Sep-17 21:56:11

So needed to read this tonight! Great to read everyone's positive stories. 2 weeks post (final) split but it's been awful for three years, together 15 married 4
Wedding anniversary tomorrow so I'm struggling tonight
flowers for everyone

fleshmarketclose Mon 04-Sep-17 22:03:35

I've been separated nearly two months, it's early days but I'm happier than I have been in years, my only sadness is that I miss the dog and the youngest dc would have preferred him to be here. I'm hoping that I'm sorted like you in a year's time too it sounds like you are doing brilliantly.

user1488308965 Tue 05-Sep-17 01:26:51

I m at breaking point now he refuses to pay money for the kids, I do not work and I am not claiming benefits . The bills are mounting up and I just want to crawl into a hole.
I am so happy it worked out well for you , I wish you well in the future.

IrritatedUser1960 Thu 07-Sep-17 19:10:10

flowers to everyone still suffering, it will work out. Nothing bad goes on forever.

Loulou2111 Sun 17-Sep-17 18:25:30

Hi I'm new to this today. My husband and I have split over the weekend. He works away and constantly accuses my of cheating, he's decided I'm a liar, a skank, a slag, a cheat etc etc I could go on. He's told everybody that it's all me, I need help and I accuse him. I've honestly not done anything to make him feel this way but today I am nursing a broken heart, I have two children, not to him, who I'm trying to stay strong for. He's been violent and abusive in the past both verbally and physically, I always forgave him after a million worries. I don't know what to do I'm broken, my heart feels like it's been ripped out, I can't see a future without him in it. For all he's done and put me through I still love him so much. My life just seems worthless and I don't see any point in existing.

Viking64 Sun 17-Sep-17 19:18:25

Once you rid yourself of this vile man you will indeed see life is worth living.probably put up with it for so long it's become normal for you and being alone is not normal for you .if you had no contact whatsoever even for a few weeks you would see what I mean.good luck to you

Loulou2111 Sun 17-Sep-17 19:50:16

Thank you for your kind words I've joined this to try and help me 'keep on going' I just wish I didn't feel the heartache. My friends all say I can do so much better but it's hard when you love someone to actually think about anyone else but that person. This all extended because I went on a shopping trip yesterday with my friend, we had lunch and a few cocktails. My husband had tried calling my mobile but their was no signal and went straight to voicemail. He's convinced I declined all of his calls because I was cheating. I wasn't but I can't prove this and I'm a liar and a cheat 😔😔

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