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Arranged Contact for older children

(7 Posts)
Bexesangel Wed 23-Aug-17 12:54:04

I have just separated and my ex will be moving out in the next week or so.
Our children are 18 and 16 and will be living with me.
When I tried to broach the subject with my ex about contact with the children- he said that he wants it to be 'fluid ' and will sort it with them as they're older.
I said that I felt it was important to have some kind of routine- especially in the early days - so that they knew what was happening.
His response was that they are older and there will be times when they will have plans and won't be able to make the fixed arrangements- which I agreed with - and said that it was up to them to be the ones to change the arrangements in that case.
I also said that I need to know when they will be with him as I need to know when to cook etc.
He just called me controlling- which I think is unfair.
I think everyone concerned just needs to have a clear idea of what is happening.
Please can you give me your thoughts!!!!!

OP’s posts: |
titchy Wed 23-Aug-17 13:12:36

Errr one's an adult, the other almost so. Let them sort it themselves! A fixed 'every other weekend and one night a week' arrangement is entirely in appropriate at their ages.

As long as they (not him) give you a day or so notice that they won't be in for dinner that's reasonable. Surely they do the same now when they make plans to see their friends?

jojo2916 Wed 23-Aug-17 16:27:45

Definitely should be sorted around the 3 of them at that age, if one/both of them are going to their dads and won't need dinner they can just let you know as they perhaps would if going out with friends for example.

Secretsout Wed 23-Aug-17 19:21:42

We are about to 'physically split', we are going through the divorce process but all still living together. kids are 16 & 15. The kids will be resident with me but free to go round to their dads whenever they feels like it, no fixed arrangement. The only potential snag is the CM has been based on them spending 2 nights a week with him but as we'll be living within walking distance of each other I doubt this will happen.

Mrscropley Wed 23-Aug-17 19:23:23

Enjoy the freedom and leave them to it. .

JaffaCakesMum Wed 23-Aug-17 20:23:24

My girls are 18 & 16, my STBEX is staying with his mum until we get the house sold. When he sees the girls is up to them. I've encourage them to see their dad but he isn't doing himself any favours by not seeing them very often. They don't stay over. Having to make dinner for only me at late notice doesn't bother me.

scrabbler3 Sun 03-Sep-17 23:23:49

I don't think you need a formal arrangement at their age. They can text you if they're not going to be in for dinner etc, just as they would if they'd decided to eat with a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend.

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