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Pregnant and on the rocks

(12 Posts)
ariverinegypt77 Sat 12-Aug-17 14:08:04

Hello netters smile I'm just wondering if anybody out there has been through a break up while pregnant? I'm forty and have a two year old and my partner and I have been having a very difficult year, arguments and power struggles etc. We've been together for a long time, 17 years, and we've always had our ups and downs. I guess I've always been a bit ambivalent but tried to avoid conflict and he has sensed this and been passive aggressive at times. Anyway the upshot is that we've been struggling to adapt to parenthood and recently split but then got back on rather fragile terms but then I got pregnant again unexpectedly. The relationship has broken down again now to such an extent that he's taken himself off to another room for several weeks. It's really stressful with a pregnancy and I'm still working but going on maternity soon. I've tried to get things back to normal but he wants me to accept that there is a power imbalance in our relationship and treat him with more respect. I feel really vulnerable accepting this in the middle of a pregnancy although there is some truth in it. He's still helping out with our son and as long as I don't get too upset about the lack of emotional support superficially we get on ok. His feelings for me have definitely changed though and I'm finding it really hard to keep my cool and not get al heavy with him. I was just wondering if any others had similar experiences and what my options might be. I'm forty so no spring chicken! I'm seeing a counsellor at the moment to sort out my feelings and to figure out how I got into this mess.

OP’s posts: |
ariverinegypt77 Sat 12-Aug-17 16:58:24

Bump

OP’s posts: |
fusspot66 Sat 12-Aug-17 20:12:47

I see you're still.unanswered.
I'll bump you but also say, you'll be OK. You sound strong . Do you have a good birth partner or will it be the H?

fusspot66 Sat 12-Aug-17 20:13:19

Better to travel alone than be miserably accompanied as they say.

ApplesTheHare Sat 12-Aug-17 20:15:26

Have you thought about or tried couples counselling? Sounds like you need someone independent to help you communicate and work through this, whatever you decide.

fusspot66 Sat 12-Aug-17 20:17:27

Sorry,
I misread that as though you were over.

ariverinegypt77 Sat 12-Aug-17 21:36:25

Thanks for the bump fusspot 😊 @ApplesTheHare I've suggested counselling but he says it'll be the end of us.

OP’s posts: |
MrsBertBibby Sun 13-Aug-17 08:12:28

And he wants you to treat him with more respect? Nasty manipulative bully.

Still, very decent that he helps look after his own child. What a hero.

Whyiseverynameinuse Mon 14-Aug-17 12:21:41

Have you spoken to Women's Aid? They might help you get your head round this situation. Helped me when i needed it. Good luck.

ariverinegypt77 Tue 15-Aug-17 11:59:54

No I guess he isn't very heroic after all is he?
It's surreal. He's been in the spare room now for nearly a month but he is excited about the new baby and talks about plans for the future all the time. Yet when I try to get him to come round he says I'm an emotional bully. I just feel powerless, and yet he says I'm too powerful.
I'm just in limbo. I've tried to straighten things out with ultimatums in the past and he goes along for a bit bit then he will suddenly 'take a stand' and now he won't budge.
I don't know what he wants.

OP’s posts: |
MrsBertBibby Tue 15-Aug-17 19:24:03

I assume he wants what he has: you tying yourself in knots trying to bring him around, while he plays the poor sad victim.

And a bit of Dadding when he fancies it.

Calvinlookingforhobbs Fri 18-Aug-17 23:00:57

How about you try couples counselling on your own? It might promot him to join you? And you will find it helpful even if it's just you. Good luck

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