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Help husband of 10 years has left !!

(13 Posts)
Pinkpiggy76 Sun 06-Aug-17 08:46:32

I have been with my husband 14 years and this year have been married 10 years , we have always had an amazingly close relationship and are very huggy touches and always hold hands etc my husband started singing in a stupid tribute band around 4 years ago and I gave up my job at the weekend so he could do this as it early more money all was fine to begin with but then my anxiety hit in I hated him always being away at weekends began to worry that he would find someone else etc etc and this caused arguements any way he still swore to me nothing would ever break us he's wants me and the kids nothing else etc etc in march this year they went to Portsmouth and did 3 gigs over the weekend on the Friday night he messaged me saying he loved me so so much and he was just going out for drinks with the band it was 3am !! So I did go a little crazy and said I thought he was taking the piss about as he tells me its work but it seems more like it's an excuse for a night out !! Any way he came back and that week he was very strange not saying he loves me ( we used to say it all the time ) not holding my hand and I just got a general feel of something not right , around this time his friend in the band told his wife he no longer loved her and wanted to separate ! I said to my husband I was upset about this and said god if that happened to us his reply was let's hope not !!!!! Normally he would have said don't be stupid no way , any way things were still weird then his dad died suddenly and our daughter got diagnosed with diabetes my anxiety is now through the roof and how he is being towards me was making it worse we still however moved house which was his idea and started renovating it ( its rented but rundown and we had an agreement that we would decorate etc ) now 6 weeks ago he went after an arguement to his mums saying we were done he then came back and said he would stay here till after our holiday for the kids we then went to a family party and he was acting very strange pretending he was having a great time when clearly he was putting on an act ! Through all of this he won't sit and speak or look at me just texts saying I'm his world but he can't live with me and my anxiety !! I've pushed him away , any way to cut a long storey short he's gone staying at his mums but comes here everyday to see the kids still takes me to work !! And hugs me goodbye but despite all this he's adamant we are done for good never getting back together he doesn't love me !! I'm confused how can he through away 14 years in just 3 short months of acting like this it makes no sense I am so sos sad he's my best friend and I just want him to tell me everything will be ok :-(

OP’s posts: |
ferriswheel Sun 06-Aug-17 08:50:05

That sounds awful. He's being very unkind. Do you have someone you trust to help you?

IrritatedUser1960 Sun 06-Aug-17 08:57:00

I'm really sorry for you, I was in the same situation, my husband of 17 years found a new hobby and suddenly it was all consuming and he wanted to be a part of that world and dumped me for it.
A year later my life is amazing, I'm coming on in leaps and bounds, his life has failed to be a success and he is constantly asking to come back.
I don't want him back now I'm doing brilliantly and happy for the first time in years.
He sounds like a selfish shit and he is thinking the grass is greener which it isn't, he will find this out, and hugging you etc is mean, it means you can't move on.
Think very hard what it is you are getting out of this relationship and if you really want it.
Us women are resilient and also fantastic on our own - if he changes his mind you might not want him back.

Pinkpiggy76 Sun 06-Aug-17 08:57:23

Not really I'm just at a loss as what to do I don't get why he's behaving this way or what has made such a drastic change in him , it's almost like he's been replaced with a stranger !! How can that happen over three months I just want my living husband back and so do the children he's not mentioned divorce but has been adamant that we are separated !!

OP’s posts: |
Pinkpiggy76 Sun 06-Aug-17 09:00:29

Also he's so angry when he speaks to me and doesn't look happy at all all very odd for someone who has made the right decision !!im wondering now if he cheated on me that weekend back in march and I'd guilty !? He says no one els is involved and it's all my fault as I pushed him by constantly asking who all these random women are he added to Facebook after gigs !! Etc etc

OP’s posts: |
BadHatter Sun 06-Aug-17 15:55:14

Is he worn down by having a wife that is always starting rows?

PitilessYank Sun 06-Aug-17 15:59:55

Is it possible that a bit of time away with the band has given him some perspective, and he is now recognizing some issues in your relationship?

BastardGoDarkly Sun 06-Aug-17 16:02:55

Bad where did you get that from? hmm

Op, I'm guessing he did cheat, I'm sorry.

All you can do is try to move on, cut contact between you to a minimum, just passing the children over.

Its shit, but he's treating you badly, look after yourself flowers

beec Sun 06-Aug-17 21:37:22

He will come crawling back.

He is filled with confidence from his new life he thinks he has but being in a tribute band won't last forever and the what?

He cuddling you by keeping you in his sites.

You either let him do this and see if he comes back but your going to go trough total heart ache or you put your foot down and tell him your not allowing him to act like this! Let him see you getting on and being happy, I bet he soon changes!

AnyFucker Sun 06-Aug-17 21:42:10

He has cheated, love

But he still wants to keep ypu on the backburner in case his newly rejuvenated cock starts to flag

Don't be second choice

HeavenlyEyes Sun 06-Aug-17 21:45:52

Yup - I agree with Any. Look for the OW - she is there and that is why he has changed and left. Everything he does for you now is for the sole purpose of assuaging his guilt. He will blame you and your anxiety for him leaving when in reality he just wanted sex with someone new. Such a sad old cliche isn't he?

darbo Fri 11-Aug-17 16:30:38

Ignore him totally.

Bluntness100 Fri 11-Aug-17 17:12:41

Sometimes everyone is a bit too quick to shout cheat. But he may be getting a lot of female attention in the band, and it's turned his head a bit, made him think he's something special.

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