I just told my husband im not sure i want him anymore

[BabyG2015]

Im so confused...
Ive been married 8 weeks this saturday and ive just told my husband im not sure i love him anymore.
To cut it short, ive been dishonest and disloyal. I had a short affair with another married man which is now over, but its made me realise that im not happy in my sexless marriage.
My husband loves me. He loves me more than i love him. Its me that doesnt want sex. He has sensed something hasnt been right as we have barely talked for over a week. He kept pressing me tonight until i told him.
I told him i loved him, like my best friend, and it was breaking my heart to tell him as he is a really good man and a fantastic father to our 2 year old son. My husband is 20 yrs my senior which is now playing on my mind..... after 9 years together!!
He was upset, asked if it was over, i said no, but we wasnt good (im not so sure, part of me thinks it is over) i told him im lonely as he works nights and we dont ever do anything as a couple anymore.
He seems ok now, trying to plan days out as a family which is nice... i really want to tell him not to try so hard, and not to get his hopes up but i dont want to hurt him.
I feel pressured to try and make it work because of my son and for what i have done.
Im scared to be a single mum on my own and the outcome of not only my son, but for my husband if we split, but im scared of feeling like this and carrying on the same in this relationship......

[BabyG2015]

Bump

[BabyG2015]

I seem to struggle to get advise or words of wisedom on this site. Dont think i will bother...

[ImperialBlether]

Did you tell your husband about the affair?

I wonder why you agreed to marry him if you didn't want sex with him. Can you explain why you did?

[AfunaMbatata]

Sounds a tough situation . Have you thought of couples therapy? What is the reason for lack of sex?

[Newbiecat]

Hi OP- I didn't want to read and run seeing your last post. To be fair, I found your text quite hard to read so perhaps that has put others off reading til the end of your post.
You sound as though your thoughts are in a turmoil and perhaps that's why your post was hard to follow.
Who can you talk to about this! Family or a friend? I think you'd desperately benefit from someone to talk things through in real life. Would you be in a position to consider relationship counselling (initially just for you I mean?) to work out your feelings? Sending

[PollytheDolly]

You both need counselling.

[BabyG2015]

Apologies for the hard read... it just must reflect how pickled my brain is...
Imperial... i havent told him about the affair, i feel no good would come of it and it would break his heart. I was always honest that i was marrying him because of my son, i wanted us all to have the same name, and for us to be a family unit, which is a complete joke, given the current circumstances. By the time i realised my feelings towards our relationship were alot stronger, it was too late to pull out... i didnt want to humiliate him.
Afuna... no, i havent thought about therapy, mainly because in my head, i cant see a way of going back, i cant see me ever wanting sex with him, i mean, for the past 5 years, i havent had the urge, just did it because... i always thought the loss of libido was due to IVF, Miscarriages etc, but i think it was an excuse. I just dont fancy him.
Newbiecat, thanks for being honest, ive always been a good writer (i had an IVF blog and people always said how good i wrote).
I have spoken to a friend, and my mum but i wanted a strangers perspective, someone who didnt know what a good man my husband was, didnt know me etc...
Well, since last night, when i told him, he has been upset, he cried down the phone to me earlier... i hate this. He is sort of trying, we told DS to the park, he wanted to go for a drink after but it was too late for DS. I want to try (i think, mainly for DS and OH) but in the back of my mind, i think its pointless, the damage has been done.
This is proper tough shit :-(

[mrszebrastripe]

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I am in a similar situation. Realised I don't love my husband anymore but can't see how we can get through a separation financially and also without so much hurt to our teenage DD's. I think that in your heart you know it's over - and like me, just plucking up the courage to forge ahead with your new life. Good luck OP x

[BabyG2015]

Thank you Mrsz.
Im sorry your finding yourself in a similar situation. Its so much harder when children are involved.
After telling my husband how u felt, he was devastated and has been trying his hardest ever since.
He was offered a job with better hours (and mon-fri) so i wont be on my own every wkend.
I spoke to my dad who knows everything and he pretty much said that i have to suck it up, that i made vows for better for worse and this is now the real thing... our first hurdle. He said i was very lucky to have a man/father to my son. And i should stick with it for the sake of my son, for stabilitity for us all.
So, with that, im going to try. Ive made my husband so insecure and i feel awful especially as he is trying so hard.
Sometimes we have to make sacrifices for our children... looks like this is one of them.
I hope you pluck up sone courage to make the right decision xx

[mrszebrastripe]

Good luck, I hope that you can find a place of happiness. X