Hello. I'm in turmoil.
I've been married to a really good, kind, nice guy for 12 years. We've always had a 'cosy' relationship - not massively sexual, and there were many times when I thought 'I wish I fancied him more.' But I was young, not sexually confident, and thought I should count myself lucky for having such a sweet and decent guy. He's patient and solid - but the flip side of this is that he is immovable, and emotionally distant.
We've never stayed up all night just talking crap... or stayed up all night shagging... despite this; we got married. No big romantic declarations from him - i feel like he made a 'sensible decision' rather than an overwhelming emotional one. And maybe I did too. I think I felt he was nice and caring and maybe that would be enough. There is no passion there, though. For sex, for life... for anything. He is so emotionally dead.
We now have a 5 year old. I had a difficult birth experience and had PTS. However, we haven't had sex since my daughter was conceived. And not really any affection either. I've struggled to feel any intimacy with him. We're now in separate rooms, and I almost recoil at my husbands touch.
He is a nice man, a good hearted man. I do most of the childcare and also work but don't earn loads. My husband earns well and pushed us up the property ladder (I wasn't as bothered, but for him a house is a big status symbol.)
Now I don't know what to do. I've sort of been pushing for separation as I'm 40 and don't want to live the rest of my life without sex. I don't see sex therapy working as essentially I just don't feel any desire for him.
I've been sexually 'awakened' by an online affair that has reminded me what it is to feel turned on, and desired. It won't go anywhere but it has been a powerful catalyst.
Now I stand on the brink of separation and I'm terrified. Scared of ripping up this cosy family unit for what? I have nobody to go to. The wider family is horrified as we look 'perfect'. I am obv v worried for my daughter, too.
I have lots of friends and a decent career... I have been feeling quite strong and empowered but it's all trickled away now it's getting closer...
Any positive stories or thoughts? Am I being a fool?
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Divorce/separation
Sexless marriage. Separate or not?
61 replies
PeanutButter1 · 17/07/2017 11:53
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