Children suffering from our non-c? Advice please

[Twillow]

Split up 4 years ago. Longstanding DA. Children 12 and 18.
No face to face contact since (apart from divorce court!). Patchy communication via text and email. ExH feeling hard done by throughout.
The children say they wish we could get on.
I have no idea how to achieve this. We initially had some pre-mediation meetings and the counsellor recommended it didn't go ahead jointly. Since then we have never met face to face as I said I wouldn't do this until he stopped attacking me verbally in messages. This has mainly stopped now but only because we communicate so little. Apparently still complaining about me to children, how it's so unfair he has to pay maintenance etc and now one of them has said 'shouldn't you buy me everything because dad gives you money?' Still only answers messages if there's something in it for him, i.e recently he suggested a 'thaw' and then I find out he wants money from the children's savings for a holiday he has paid for. The children feel they are stuck in the middle and I hoped escaping the abuse would make their lives better as well as mine but I hate that they are still suffering. Suggestions or advice gratefully received!

[Lweji]

Not sure there's anything you can do apart from modelling how to deal with a bully.

In my case I divorced him. But DS felt at some point that it was OK to stop contact with his dad too.

I suppose you can tell them what the legal position is and why you made your choices, and that it's something their father has to deal with.

[jojo2916]

With children that age you don't need to speak if you don't want to , move on and enjoy your life and of course continue to facilitate the DC's relationship with their dad but that doesn't mean he needs to be in your life at all and from the sound of him this will be better for you.