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Feeling my marriage is on the skids

(8 Posts)
Wharm14 Mon 10-Jul-17 18:41:55

It's been a long time coming but I'm getting to the end of my tether with my husband and am contemplating kicking him out.
Not sure where to start the story but he's just finished the second year at uni and we are in so much debt (credit card debt) that we simply can't afford for him to go into the final year. We have a 16 month old son, I've had to go back to work full time which I desperately didn't want to do but fortunately I earn a lot so it was a solution to our financial problem, but only if he pulled his weight too. Basically after being made redundant he went to uni and hasn't been motivated enough to get a decent part time job or jobs to keep our heads above water, hence the credit card debt. Our outgoings have been greater than our incomings. A year of my maternity leave didn't help that. So about 6 weeks ago I finally pulled my big girl pants on and accepted we were in the soup and looked into ways to solve it. He didn't get on the same page as me and refused to deal with it. I went to stay with family for a couple of days with our DS which I hoped would make him realise what he would be losing if he continued to stick his head in the sand. Fast forward a few weeks and apart from some half arsed job searches we are no further forward and at real risk of losing everything including our marriage.
I'm not sure what help or advice I'm looking for here, I'm just wondering if anyone else can offer me any thoughts on how to make him realise he has to step up or do I stop trying to make him do something he won't do for himself and take charge of my life on my own?

user1495729671 Mon 10-Jul-17 20:09:58

Have you said this to him?
I would tell him exactly how you feel and then by his reaction you can decide what to do next?

Wharm14 Tue 11-Jul-17 17:41:23

Yes, I've told him loads of times how I feel. We had yet another heart to heart last night, this time it didn't end in a row but I'm unconvinced he's changed yet. Going home from work now, I'll see what jobs he's applied for today, see if I got through to him last night

user1495729671 Wed 12-Jul-17 09:56:17

Well I wish you all the best.

We have opposite issues lol, my husband is a workaholic out at 7 back at 7 6 days a week and does my absolute head in, haha.

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly Wed 12-Jul-17 10:01:36

It is totally unacceptable for him to be such a drain on you. I'd give him the ultimatum of a month to get a full time job until you are back in the black. If not then kick him out and make sure he pays his debt off.

redexpat Wed 12-Jul-17 10:15:56

Could he intercollate for a year? Im npt sure of spelling. Could he just get a job for a year to get you back in the black and then go back to uni. I just wonder if he is hearing we cant afford for you to finish.

user1495451339 Wed 12-Jul-17 10:24:35

If you are working full time now, is your son at nursery? Could he do some of his course at home and combine it with childcare so the nursery bill is reduced. He could study in the evenings and weekends? Then at least he will have a chance to hopefully get a decent job next year and the years at uni so far won't have been a waste of time and money.

juneau Wed 12-Jul-17 10:33:04

How committed to his degree is he and will it lead to a well-paid job once he's finished? It seems a shame to me that he's got through two years of his course and only has one to go and you want him to chuck it in and get a job. It's a huge waste of the family money you've ploughed into this first two years, if nothing else.

My other thought is that many, many students manage to work a PT job and study. Others do PT study alongside a FT job. This strikes me as by far the best option to allow him to complete his degree while contributing to the much-diminished family pot. If he is unwilling to do this for the greater good of your marriage and finances then I think I'd be questioning whether I wanted to stay with someone who simply doesn't care enough about the family unit to ensure that he's pulling his weight through this tough time.

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