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Mediation - controlling behaviour(2 Posts)
We've been through 5 or 6 sessions of mediation at a cost of over £4k between us. We got to the stage of discussing future needs for housing, mortgages and how that might work out. He was clearly very upset at how it was looking for him (he earns a lot more and wants to keep the house). It looks like he'd need to remortgage at 95% to give me anything near enough to buy a property. Even then, the housing standard would be £100k or more short of comparable.
He had started paying maintenance based on a figure of his choosing (on basic salary not including the £30k+ bonus he received last year). It wasn't enough to cover bills and housing for the kids let alone anything like clothes or days out etc.
We then had agreed an increased maintenance figure for the interim period in mediation, as I've moved out into rented accommodation. It was enough to cover bills and children's needs but was extremely tight for both of us.
He has now not paid the increased amount (because he says he can't afford it) and gives no indication of when, or if, he will pay it.
We had a last session booked to get to a final agreement on financial settlement, but now I'm not sure what to do. It looks like he has done this to continue controlling behaviour in light of the last session not going the way he wanted. (He has history of this and it is the reason for the split. The mediator raised it and I agreed to mediation despite knowing there are risks. It seems to have become a problem)
It seems I have no choice but to either accept him not paying (and I will start getting into arrears for bills etc), or stop mediation and go through solicitors, thus meaning neither him or I will be able to buy a house at all (as court fees will eat up all the equity - or enough of it to make house buying not possible).
What to do?
In terms of Maintenance can you use the figure from cms as a basis, and if he doesn't pay tell him you'll be contacting them to deal with it.?
I had similar with my ex husband.... Ended up in court on finances and kids as he wouldn't agree unless it was on his terms.
Take the control away from him.
Good luck. Divorcing a narcissist is not easy. X
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