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I'm a bad mother

(5 Posts)
Tillylils Thu 29-Jun-17 18:36:30

Ex and I split up when dd was 4, she is now 11. He cheated and I always planned that I wouldn't tell her about this until she was an adult, and then only if she asked.
I try very hard to be amicable with him despite him being quite difficult. She sees him regularly and has a good relationship with both of us.
Last night, ex dropped dd off and I asked him if he could contribute to her school uniform. He began arguing with me so I asked him to leave. Dd was then upset with me, saying I was horrible to her dad, this turned into an argument and although I can't remember why, she called me a liar. I responded with ok, if you want the truth, here it is. I then told how I have tried to keep things friendly with her father for years and she may think he's wonderful, but the reason he left was because he cheated. I was just tired of being the bad guy while he can do nothing wrong.
She has been ok with this so far. She says she is disappointed with him and he's not the person she thought he was. But I feel terrible, like I've damaged her and her relationship with her dad. I said it in the heat of the moment and I wish I could take it back.
Km just wondering if anyone has done anything similar and how their kids have been ?

misscph1973 Tue 04-Jul-17 15:22:22

It's not great, but you are only human. My DM was always blaming my DF for everything under the sun from day 1 of the divorce, and I hated her for it (I was a teen). But you have tried, and succeeded for many years. To a certain extent your DD is old enough for it, and it is important that she understands your actions.

XJerseyGirlX Tue 04-Jul-17 15:25:39

Its not like you told a lie.. don't worry about it OP. We are human. Just because we are mums it doesn't make us perfect.

Member652554 Sat 08-Jul-17 11:19:36

Apart from perhaps the way it came out, I don't think you have anything to be sorry for. I think now is a good time to find out as it would be a bit weird to find out as an adult. Its not you that has been withholding that secret anyway it's her dad iyswim . It's his responsibility to ensure he has an honest and open relationship with his daughter. If anything I would say you are great mum for covering his arse for so long for your dd's sake .

thethoughtfox Sat 08-Jul-17 17:35:48

Mothers often damage their own relationship with their children by not telling them any of the truth. The children often blame the remaining parent thinking they drove the other person away. My friend hated her mother for years until she grew up and found out the truth.

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