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Making child contact arrangements with abusive ex

(5 Posts)
howdiditgettothis Mon 19-Jun-17 23:31:17

I split with my hubby a year ago and am exhausted with the constant messages about how everything is my fault, my family are awful. ....etc. if I don't reply to a question within a few minutes I'm then being emotionally abusive and making myself feel powerful. Sigh sigh sigh.........I just want to get in with my life in reality. We have kids so make arrangements every week for him to see them. A family member takes the kids to meet him as he was being abusive in front of kids if I went. I've asked him to stop emailing me and only text as we only need to make arrangements for kids. social services recommend supervised access only and I don't want him to have kids on his own either. We haven't been through court with this so it's not a legal recommendation. Each week we have the same battle. He wants them at his house and I say it needs to be X or Y venue out in public.

I was trying to explore some more distant means if making these arrangements so I don't end up with reams of crazy messages. I was thinking of maybe saying no more contact only via a shared calendar where I can input where to meet each week and he could make his own suggestions etc. Has anyone else been in this type of situation?

howdiditgettothis Tue 20-Jun-17 13:44:30


Mymouthgetsmeintrouble Tue 20-Jun-17 13:48:45

Make it clear that you will answer any messages regarding the children once a week at a set day and time unless its an emergency to do with the children , you could also change your number and get a pay as you go phone to use for him to contact you it can then be only switched on when needed

Racmactac Tue 20-Jun-17 13:50:02

Can you not fix time and date for same every week and then you have no need to discuss anything.
Don't engage with him

Starlight2345 Tue 20-Jun-17 14:00:58

I had contact with my ex at soft play ( no idea of your children's age) but this worked. Does he work shifts ..If not offer contact at... at ... time every week. Let me know whether you will be making it to contact so the children are prepared. if he works shifts you will know how much notice he has tell him I need ... notice. He will want to continue playing games as much as he can.

Honestly do not reply to any messages that tell you that you are been abusive. . He is prevoking you to respond. He is still planning to blame you for everything.

I also agree get a cheap Pay as you go. Block him on your phone and then do not take phone out when you go out and only turn it on when you want to deal with him or when he has the children.

My ex was abusive I learnt the more you respond the more messages you will recieve

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