How do I explain to my 2yr old where his dad is?

[Purplemunchkin76]

Hi I would like some advice, my ex husband walked out For his affair partner when my boy was 4.5 months old he hasn't seen him very often and has long periods the latest being 5 months since he's seen him. I don't believe my son knows him as his dad because of the lack of contact and his age.

I have moved to London 4 months ago as he's stopped paying support so I needed to earn more money to provide for my son. He also has had another child with his new partner which has meant for him his focus has been elsewhere. however my toddler is asking why he doesn't have a daddy and where he is. His dad has actually arranged to see him next week but hasn't committed to how often he will see him as he says the fact we have moved 4.5 hours away means he doesn't know how often he can come. So I'm not sure how best to explain things to my son. He was even crying tonight as he doesn't understand why his dad is not around for him to collect him like the other children's dads are, so it really needs to be tackled now in the right way and it's the right time with the pending visit.

Advice welcome!

[EMSMUM16]

Aw poor little man, must be hard for you too. I had this with mine & i suggest talking to him or drawing a family group thing, with his dad living in anothet house & maybe friends or other family he knows in it too. Basically give him the idea that families are whatever they are & you & your son can be a family on your own with other people around him in different houses. Also, you could draw a timeline of events since he was born, so start with when he was born with you & his dad together, then draw a line with important events like when he started talking or walking, when he started nursery or when you moved house & when his dad left. Tbh it sounds like his dad might not be that reliable but i might be wrong (i hope so) but if you jave a good relationship with him & can talk to him and he is supportive ask him to call or write to your son regularly. Your son needs regular contact with him dad so if he isn't going to do that he is more like a distant relative & there's no point in making it something its not, sadly there's lots of dads out there who want to be a proper das but can't get it together.
It might also be that as you have moved house recently and things are new to your son still he might be adjusting & the change might remind him in some way of when his dad left which would also have been a change for him. So he might benefit from spending quality time with you & being reassured that you are always thete for him & that he will settle in properly to school or his house.
Do you have relatives in London or close friends you see regularly? I just think the more people that are familiar in his life he sees regularly will help too.

[Purplemunchkin76]

Hi yes I have family I visit an hour away and his grandad visits us every month. My relationship with my ex is email only and very poor as he's sadly taken every route possible to cause and inflict difficulties on us. I'm happy to explain to my boy his dad lives away and will visit soon but I just don't think he will understand at this age, also my worry is not knowing how often his dad will visit too. I guess that's out of my hands and all o can be is honest and say he's at his house and he will visit him sometime 😔

[EMSMUM16]

It sounds like you're making the best out of it. Focus on the people that are there for him (& you). You don't need people who make things more difficult! Its hard enough as it is. I have been in a situation like yours & eventually your son will make his own mind up as he gets older about his dad, as frustrating as it is remember its his dad that's missing out on your son, he sounds like a lovely sensitive boy & you sound like an insightful & strong lady. Families are what they are & the good thing is that ypu both have people who are around that care.

[ElspethFlashman]

There are a few books that might help.

www.singleparents.org.uk/parenting/parenting-alone/books-for-younger-children-0-10-years

[jojo2916]

I had this but met my husband who took him on as his own absolutely and although I had encouraged contact with bio dad it actually worked out better he wasn't around (his choice) so the 3 of us could just enjoy our lives as a family.

[Purplemunchkin76]

Thanks for your advice maybe I will meet someone who will act like a real father to my son.