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Advice on my children

(7 Posts)
suntansally Thu 15-Jun-17 06:02:18

I firmly believe that STBXH is trying to keep my dc's 50% if the time simply to avoid maintenance and to hurt me- they are my world.... he hasn't had much time with them at all during our marriage.
( I have been a SAHM for 15 years) it took some balls to leave him but I had become so unhappy.
Is there anything people can tell me to help fight for the dc's they do don't need to be used as pawns between us and DH can't see that.
I know the law is mostly out to support the children to be with their mother and I hope that's right. I'm told another solicitors letter is on the way!thanks MN's

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Lonecatwithkitten Thu 15-Jun-17 07:47:02

The law is aimed at supporting the children to have a meaningful relationship with both parents if that is appropriate. This is not necessarily in the mother's favour, but tends to reflect the status quo and the children wishes if they are old enough for this to be taken into account.
Children have all the rights, parents have all the responsibilities.
How old are your children? What is the current status quo?
It is important to get legal advice of your own.

jacketej Thu 15-Jun-17 07:58:50

The law is there as the above said to support the children, most judges unless there are real reasons (violence / abuse) support co-parenting and a 50:50 split.
They don't support just the mother, these times are long gone.
They do factor in the logistics of it though, clubs, schools etc.
Personally I'd try and settle it out side of a court as they really will become pawns in the whole divorce then. I appreciate your views that he wants to use them to get at you, however even though you've been a stay st home mum he would still have seen the children every day?
So he will of course miss them.., that could be his reasoning?
Don't let it get messy for the children's sake, it's not worth it. You both have to be in each other's lives forever - weddings, grandchildren etc

Nikilia Fri 16-Jun-17 07:27:23

What an awful situation, I know I've been there. It's so so hard. My ex husband was away all the time which contributed to the divorce and then wanted my DD 50% of the time, she was only one and it broke my heart. He left me with a baby and all the bills for someone else and I hated him. But I had to let him have her as that was the right thing for her, when she wasn't there I would sit and cry and worry and I ended up on antidepressants. But I still stand by it was the right thing to do for my daughter (not for me) fast forward 4 years, she has a great relationship with us both and is in a good routine, when he dumps her to go on holiday she gets really upset as she misses seeing him.
I still hate sharing my daughter for selfish reasons but it is most definitely the right thing to do for her.
Good luck xx

suntansally Fri 16-Jun-17 17:42:53

What are your thoughts on sleeping arrangements my dcs still are 😴 my in his dads floor because he refuses to rent ( a year in)

OP’s posts: |
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Fri 16-Jun-17 19:56:13

So the kids sleep on the floor when they are with your ex?

suntansally Fri 16-Jun-17 22:42:18

Yes it's not as bad as it sounds mattresses

OP’s posts: |

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