Divorce and equity and pension sharing

[Brewster123]

I am going through a very long painful divorce. My husband left me after a 20+ year marrage with our 3 teenagers nearly 3 years ago. I tried for the first year, hoping he would return but started proceedings back in November 2014. We tried mediation, but as he was self employed and run his own business the mediator would not sign off his Form E for court as his books didn't add up. Our lifestyle obviously cost more than he was declaring. I worked 3 days a week from when our children arrived and have continued to do so. Since the separation I have now returned full time as I cannot maintain our lifestyle on the basic maintenance he now pays me. We are now on our way to court and I am scared. I hope to get 70% of the equity to buy a new home with the children (which he only sees every other weekend). I will also need to repay the solicitors and courts fees that are mounting. I also have a Civil Service pension, which for a 3 day week while married was modest, but obviously better than some. My Ex has no pension, never has. But he has always invested in properties with his brother and currently has 3. His argument is that they aren't worth as much as my pension and he wants 50% of the family home and 50% of my pension. I have asked for 70% of family home and will not claim on his property investments with his brother if he leaves my pension alone. He refuses, and says I am being totally unreasonable. We are now heading for court and I feel physically sick with the worry if I am being unreasonable.

[parklives]

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, if you are going to court then the court will decide what's fair.

[Brewster123]

I am listening to my solicitor, but obviously they can't guarantee what the court will decide. I am worried I will end up worse off than if I'd agreed what he originally wanted. I now work full time and earn more. But work twice as hard at home too with a full time job and the children. I doubt that will be taken into consideration! The solicitors bills are also worryingly rising.

[Chocolatecake12]

Hope you don't mind but I'm watching with interest to see what happens. I am a bit behind you in terms of a time frame but am in the process of trying to decide what's fair and trying to discuss it with the stbxh although it's difficult as he's not speaking to me!
Please update with the courts decision- I really hope you get what you deserve.

[Brewster123]

Thank you will do. I am just trying to stick to what is fair for me. What I need to buy a home for my children and manage going forward. He still gets 30% of equity and ability to get a mortgage on his own. He also has property investments for his pension that I don't want anything to do with. So why does he feel he's entitled to 50% of equity and 50% of my pension. Will keep you updated and good luck x

[suntansally]

I'm there with you and yes it is so worrying my stbxh is just about to close his business (so I have no money) and wants me to move out of the family home for for less than I'm entitled.
I've just put my foot down about where the children live mostly due to inadequate sleeping arrangements at his dads house.keep in touch but don't be too scared of this man. You sound like a hard working mum and it will come good in the end. Can he not buy you out or the other way around or even sell?

[greenberet]

what has your solicitor said about the property investments - im assuming you are including these but saying you are not wanting to claim

i have been where you are OP - i wish i could reassure you that the outcome will be fair but i can't - please make sure your lawyers are really doing what they need to do and make sure they get that your x is not reasonable - mine told me allsorts - i now believe just to get me to final hearing and rack up huge bills - i lost the family home as a result of them and even though i was a strong case for spousal maintenance ive been told to get back to work in two years time.

im angry - im having counselling to deal with the fallout and im trying to recover some of the injustice - i wish you luck OP -

[Dowser]

My solicitor went for a clean break
I had no dependents
I'd been in the main a stay at home mother
I told the truth all the way through. He lied
I got 72 per cent
He got his small pension and his £30,000 debt
I got the family home and my savings
He had a good job in Dubai