need to vent...(4 Posts)
Hi everyone, I am new here...I feel like I can't really talk to family or friends which I'll explain further on so just wanted to vent on here and see if I am actually being unreasonable.
Basically me and my partner of 11 years have split a few months back. I am the one who called it off as we were constantly arguing about money and any little thing...(we work together so that didn't help)
I also left him because I had enough of his ways, he would break my things...I.e he has broken 3 of my laptops, 1 iPad and 2 phones, he has pushed me and slapped me on a few occasions which he then goes on to make out it wasn't a big deal and that I was over reacting and it was my fault. He even got people to believe I was lying about these things (when I had told them when we broke up).
After we broke up he got in to his head that I was having an affair with a friend of ours - that was not the case!
Anyway...he was insisting that I move out of our joint mortgage home with the children and he lives here on his own. I did not see the sense of 3 people leaving a home for 1 person to stay comfortably whilst me and my 2 children will be struggling. I put my foot down and said I was not leaving so he decided to move out and Flat share with a female friend. Since he has left I have been paying the mortgage, bills and nursery fees solely, he has not given a penny.
We had arrangements with the children where he would have them overnight on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday where he was staying, and I was to have them Wednesday through to Saturday, he was not paying any maintenance.
He then decided that was too much for him and said he would only have them Sunday and Monday. I agreed.
Last week he decided that he was not going to have the children what so ever overnight until I sell the house. He has said now he will have them 2 days after school for a couple hours and drop them home and on a Sunday for a few hours then drop them home.
(This week he hasn't had them at all because of work and when I said he could have them for a few hours Friday evening he said no)
The children are very upset and feel their dad doesn't want to spend time with them as they enjoyed staying over with him.
As much as I love my children I am feeling so stressed, I am working 2 jobs, whilst having my children 7 nights a week. He has the kids for a few hours here and there but I feel like I have not got 5 minutes to myself and I feel like I'm going to have a break down. He can live his life enjoy his free time but I don't have that time to clear my head.
Again I love my children and would do anything for them but I am only a human and can only take so much.
Am I right to feel that he is almost blackmailing me in to selling the house for him to agree to have the children overnight?
Sorry for the long post and rant but I feel like I can't talk to anyone else, my friends and family tell me this was my choice I made and have to deal with the consequences.
Oh and forgot to add he is still not paying any maintenance what so ever!
Firstly contact the cms and start proceedings for maintenance, there seems no point in trying to talk to him about maintenance as from the sounds of it he wont pay, but you might find he will magically have his dc overnight again.
Is the house in joint names? As i think he could move back in. Are you able to buy him out and get a mortgage in your own name?
Hi Phillipa, Our house is in joint names along with my mother but I am aware he can move back in but at no point I told him to leave he decided off his own back.
As for trying to get any money he's very smart with that because he is self employed he can hide money and claim he's not getting much which I know isn't the truth.
I just feel so stuck with what I should do! some days I feel fine and ready to take on the world others I feel like I'm going to just cry and can't cope. i just can't believe the type of father he has turned in to.
Before he was an amazing father and would spend as much time with his kids but now it's as if he's number 1, he's even told people that he can't be sleeping on the sofa the nights he has his kids to which people have said it's a sacrifice you need to make for a day or 2 a week.
Sorry more ranting
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.