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Struggling to stay in the house

(7 Posts)
JohPa Sun 21-May-17 21:45:46

Very long story but to try and cut it short - think we've both been less than happy for longer than we'd care to admit. Various events have now led me to decide that it's over and I want a divorce but we can't afford for him to move out, he has lost contact with any friends he did have and he has no family that can/will help. We now face months trapped in the family home with DD8 and DS5 whilst we try and sort everything out - we don't even have a spare bedroom. I think we should change the dynamic/routines slightly but not tell the children the full story until we are closer to actually living apart, he disagrees. Can anyone offer any advice or the benefit of their own similar experience please ?

Just really struggling to know how to handle things, don't want to spring things on the children by any means but don't want to prolong the whole thing or make it confusing for them either. We have our first mediation session this week and I'm hoping that might offer some idea of timeframe but perhaps that's naive ? I was thinking that we need to get the house on the market asap and perhaps tell the children when it's sold and therefore the bigger changes are imminent.

So confused and this 'limbo' period is very hard emotionally - feel that the decision is made and I just want to get all the practical things sorted asap. Know it's all going to be made harder by a husband who is Olympic champion at burying his head in the sand and despite me telling him back in Feb that we were at a crossroads and that I was seeking counselling to try and sort my head out. Had the house valued at the end of March and had a consultation with a solicitor then too - both of which he knew about - still doesn't actually believe it's going to happen !!

Any support gratefully received.

OP’s posts: |
SunnySideDown1 Sun 21-May-17 21:54:19

I'm watching with interest - I'm in a similar situation but it's been nearly a year and we're at a stalemate as it's a rented property and he refuses to get a job.

Unfortunately I don't have any words of wisdom, but you aren't alone and you'll get through it smile

jayne1044 Mon 22-May-17 00:18:45

Hi Johpa,
I was in the same predicament not so long ago I spent nearly 2 years sleeping on a sofa.

Just stay true to your feelings be brutally honest. I was with my partner a lot longer than I probably should have been because I just wanted to keep the peace for everybody else.

My partner moved out unannounced one day and left me to tell the children. They took it remarkably well all they wanted was for me to be O.K.

TheVirgin Mon 22-May-17 11:20:50

Different situation but I lived with my STBXH for 5 months after the discovery of his affair and revelation of others and it was very very difficult. Even though it was a large 5 bed home it was so awkward that coming down to the end I would literally lock myself in the bedroom for most of the day while the children were at school or just go out as much as possible but there's only so much hanging out in the library or car parks that you can do. Moved out a few weeks ago and it is so much more relaxed. I am happier and kids are happier. It is tough and he did throw a big mantrum but he finally saw sense in us not living together. Hope you can find a solution that works for you both while you are sorting things out. Good luck flowers

thistoosha11pass Mon 22-May-17 13:46:05

Facing similar, did the brutally honest talk last week, told him to go. Another epic avoider here (him, not me) it's very hard. I am trying to keep pushing him, now the decision is made, we just need to separate. I'm hoping he'll see sense and just bloody get on with it soon. You have my sympathies flowers

JohPa Mon 22-May-17 23:08:16

So frustrated - husband has now played what is presumably his current ace - had agreed and confirmed a meeting with a mediator for Wednesday - he has now refused to go. Can now only sit and wait - at least it is him sleeping on the sofa ! Don't know what he thinks it will achieve other than expose our children to even more tension and stress. Thankfully we are away for 1/2 term next week without him.

OP’s posts: |
tessellation12 Sun 04-Jun-17 19:35:46

How's it going. Sounds like he should get together with mine. Maybe two procrastinators could make a decision together? Mines been on the sofa for five months and I still don't have a clue what he's planning to do when. That's not really true. He's planning on doing sod all until I make all the decisions for him. Am at wits end today. I just need him to grow up and take some responsibility for his life. Doing nothing is not a decision. I'm so relieved to read I'm not the only one.

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