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Grounds for Divorce in the UK

(23 Posts)
mimimari11 Wed 17-May-17 11:48:06

My husband & I married 7 years ago, at the time we both chose not to have kids, however, a year ago my husband changed his mind and he wants kids. Since then we have lived like brother & sister basically we no longer love one another, about 2 months ago I left him and we decided to get a divorce.

I have been told by a solicitor that refusal for having children is not enough for divorce, which I found it rediculous!
I visited a site that says:
Relatively mild allegations such as devoting too much time to a career, having no common interests or pursuing a separate social life may well suffice.
*Your spouse refuses to discuss the issues within the marriage with the Petitioner.
*Your spouse does not want to engage in any sexual or physical relations with the Petitioner.

Did anyone get a divorce on these grounds?

Could you please share with me your ground for divorce, as it seems that we need to make up some reasons.

Thanks you

OdinsLoveChild Wed 17-May-17 11:54:52

Why do you need to make up reasons when you have one already?

Unreasonable behaviour and your evidence is:
'Your spouse does not want to engage in any sexual or physical relations with the Petitioner'

Judges rarely argue about whether a divorce should be granted or not. Usually if it involves children and huge sums of money it can be difficult to unpick a marriage but I think its mainly a form ticking exercise if both parties agree and there little by way of ties to each other.

Get a different solicitor too. I know solicitors that argue the stupidest things and still get divorces done.

biscuitytrousers Wed 17-May-17 12:05:12

You can fill in the petition yourself without needing a solicitor. The form and accompanying guidance notes are available online.

You will want to give a few reasons, not just one, but assuming your husband agrees to the divorce the below examples would be fine. The best approach is to show your husband a draft as a courtesy before sending it to court. You can write it in the first person or as set out below referring to Respondent and Petitioner (which will be you if you are the one filling out the divorce petition).

1. The Respondent and the Petitioner have not had a physical relationship since X date.

2. The R and the P have not been able to move past their differing opinions about whether to have children.

3. The R and the P argue frequently meaning that the atmosphere between them is tense and hostile (assuming that is the case)

4. The P left the marital home 2 months ago when it was agreed that the marriage had broken down irretrievably.

mimimari11 Wed 17-May-17 16:26:30

Thank you so much,
I added 2 more reason to your list, could you please share your opinion?

1. The Respondent and the Petitioner have not had a physical relationship since November 2016 .

2. All love, attention affection has disappeared between The Respondent and the Petitioner.

3. The Respondent and the Petitioner have not been able to move past their differing opinions about whether to have children.

4. The Respondent and the Petitioner argue frequently meaning that the atmosphere between them is tense and hostile.

5. The Respondent and the Petitioner show no interest in socialising with each other and prefers to socialise alone with friends.

6. The Petitioner left the marital home 3 months ago when it was agreed that the marriage had broken down irretrievably.

fiftyplustwo Wed 17-May-17 16:33:56

What a hassle. Strangely it hasn't been "harmonised" over the EU over the years when they've attempted to do so with everything else. (Where I am you'd just file for a divorce and six months later it's a fact, no reasons needed.) I understand now why there is a market for private investigators and similar.

Good luck!

biscuitytrousers Wed 17-May-17 17:21:00

Couple of small tweaks, should be good to go now.

Good luck!

1. The Respondent and the Petitioner have not had a physical relationship since November 2016 .

2. The Respondent and the Petitioner are no longer loving or affectionate towards one another.

3. The Respondent and the Petitioner have not been able to move past their differing opinions about whether to have children.

4. The Respondent and the Petitioner argue frequently meaning that the atmosphere between them is tense and hostile.

5. The Respondent and the Petitioner show no interest in socialising with each other and prefer to socialise separately.

6. The Petitioner left the marital home 3 months ago when it was agreed that the marriage had broken down irretrievably.

mimimari11 Wed 17-May-17 18:17:41

biscuitytrousers Thank you again,
With the above grounds is it going to be straightforward, without a need for solicitor!
Do you know how long is going to take?

X

biscuitytrousers Wed 17-May-17 18:56:21

No problem!

Yes should be straightforward if he's not going to defend the divorce. Have you had a look at the divorce petition? Do you have your original marriage certificate as you need to send that with your petition (and a cheque for £550 unfortunately...) Here is a copy of the petition in case you've not seen it - formfinder.hmctsformfinder.justice.gov.uk/d8-eng.pdf and the guidance notes - formfinder.hmctsformfinder.justice.gov.uk/d008-notes-eng.pdf

The courts will process it reasonably quickly so it will come down to how quickly your husband responds to court documents and how complex your finances are. On average probably around 5 or 6 months. You will want to get your financial arrangements nailed down before you apply for your decree absolute.

Let me know if you need any more help

mimimari11 Wed 17-May-17 19:43:14

I did go through the divorce petition, do I need to tick any box in part 10 (Prayer) if I do not want anything from him?
Also, it is stated in the divorce petition that I would need to certify the marriage certificate, but the divorce guide states:
"One original or certified marriage/civil partnership certificate – photocopies will not be accepted. (In cases of urgent applications it may be possible for you to provide an undertaking to the court to deliver the original or a certified copy of the marriage/civil partnership certificate to the court at a later date.)"
Is there anything else except for petition, marriage certificate and £550 chq, for example ( Passport, ID, or any other documnets)

Thanks again x

mimimari11 Wed 17-May-17 22:53:19

one more,
Is it better to be the petitioner or respondent? since my Ex-partner lazy & bad with paperwork, he would not bother to check his mails.

biscuitytrousers Thu 18-May-17 08:55:13

Morning!

It is best practice to tick all the boxes in the Prayer section. It doesn't mean you are actually making a financial application but it leaves the option open. This article explains it pretty well - nicolawilliams.co.uk/blog/should-you-tick-the-boxes-asking-for-financial-orders-at-the-end-of-the-petition/

Are you sure about not asking for anything financially? Make sure that you protect yourself. Obviously I don't know any of your circumstances but it is important to think about the future, not just about getting divorced as quickly as you can.

Do you have your original marriage certificate? If not, you will need to provide a certified copy which you can apply for by ringing this number - +44 (0)300 123 1837 . I think it costs £10. So EITHER your original certificate or a certified copy.

If he is lazy, it is better for you to be the petitioner as you get to control the timetable a bit more. So you will serve the petition on him, he will need to fill in an acknowledgement of service within a week and return it to court. Court will send you his completed acknowledgement with two more forms to fill in - statement in support of your petition and application for decree nisi. Court will then set a date for pronouncement of your decree nisi (no need to attend) and 6 weeks and 1 day after that you can apply for decree absolute.

You need to send 3 copies of your petition, £550 cheque, marriage certificate to the address that comes up when you input your postcode here - courttribunalfinder.service.gov.uk/search/postcode?aol=Divorce&spoe=start

No other docs are needed.

If you have a will you should think about changing it to reflect your new circumstances.

Happy to help with any further questions.

mimimari11 Thu 18-May-17 13:26:37

Thank you, I really appreciate your help x

mimimari11 Thu 18-May-17 13:38:25

When I send the petition & other documents to the court, how long will it take for the court to send out the acknowledgement to my Ex-partner?
So I can remind him to check his mails.

Thank you x

biscuitytrousers Thu 18-May-17 13:47:54

Should be just a few days after court receives it.

AnnaThursday Thu 18-May-17 13:51:37

It will take approx a week for your partner to receive the
petition.
I put in a straight forward divorce petition in January this year
and the Decree Absolute was granted in April.
All the correspondence I had with the court was very short
turnaround from the court.
Can I ask which divorce court district you're applying to, mimi?

Can I make a suggestion that you put dates on all your list of 'reasons'
- the judge needs to know these events happened less than 6 months ago.

AnnaThursday Thu 18-May-17 13:51:58

x post

Clg199 Thu 18-May-17 13:58:33

My solicitor said that examples of unreasonable behaviour could be things that I saw as unreasonable, rather than the examples given in the guidance which included drug and alcohol dependency I think.

I used examples of us going on holiday and arguing and having a terrible time, his controlling behaviour over when and where I was allowed to drive my car and other relatively minor things like that. All small things, but put together they made life pretty miserable. I had no problems with getting the divorce, and your reasons look more 'valid' than mine.

Sorry it has come to this for you, but I felt like a weight had lifted when mine was sorted. Good luck :-)

biscuitytrousers Thu 18-May-17 14:05:37

You need to petition within 6 months of the most recent incident of unreasonable behaviour. As the examples you've given are ongoing by nature it will be fine as it is.

By the way, unless there are special circumstances and he is being served by email (you would need permission for this) he will be served by first class post, so no need to remind him to check emails!

mimimari11 Thu 18-May-17 15:08:37

Thank you Ladies it means a lot smile

Mine would be Bury St Edmund Regional Divorce Center.

AnnaThursday Thu 18-May-17 20:40:46

The solicitor I had explained that if the behaviour has been
going on for more than 6 months, as far as the courts are concerned it shows the petitioner has learnt to live with it and so it's not unreasonable.
Best to cross all the Ts than have the petition sent back.

Good luck, OP, mine was at Southampton and it was very quick - hope
yours is the same.

mimimari11 Thu 18-May-17 21:39:56

Thank you, Anna,

To be honest, I need to get over with this asap, don't want him to get a share of my inheritance (which is not much) he wants nothing from it, well at least that is what he said. What I am worried about is that someone encourages him to change his mind and apply for a financial order.
I was thinking to meet my ex & ask him to be the petitioner but without ticking the prayers box, so he wouldn't be able to claim anything later.
But can he make a claim during the court procedure if he did not tick the prayers box?
In the case that my Ex is the petitioner, will the court notify me if there is any changes or progress, or when I can apply for decree nisi & decree absolute?

AnnaThursday Fri 19-May-17 18:41:38

You're welcome, mimi. The decree nisi will be posted to you by the court
(assuming you don't have solicitor in which case the court will send it to them) it's just the decree absolute that has to be applied for - my ex got the decree posted to him straight from the court - I'm still waiting for mine to be posted to me by my solicitors.
Sorry I don't know the answer to your query but I started out doing my
divorce myself and everything was straight forward enough but I suffer from anxiety and by the time it came to filling in the form confirming ex's signature with the archaic letter "A" I found it too much so appointed the fixed price solicitors at Wikivorce. And it was worth it for the relief from stress alone.
You can call them for free advice - I did that first, I found the chap I spoke to very easy to talk to and down to earth. I think you'll be really quicker diy, I was at the post office first thing next day returning necessary documents to the courts - recorded/guaranteed next day delivery. But give the solicitors a ring and see what they say. There's also a wikivorce forum but not everyone on there is an expert on the details you need - even if they pretend they are.
Good luck, mimi

JanetBrown2015 Fri 19-May-17 21:52:46

Make sure before your decree absolute you and he agree a consent order on finances which the court seals and in particular get this done before the inheritance arrives and indeed before decree absolute.

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