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Mediation for contact

(6 Posts)
user1463172942 Tue 16-May-17 19:35:17

STBXH and I are about to go to mediation as part of divorce proceedings.

He is being rubbish about contact, refusing to agree any type of routine, wanting to come a couple of times a week at a days notice, for an hour or so, but certainly not at times that require him to cook tea, do bedtime etc. He is adamant he does want to see the kids regularly and if I try to insist on a routine he tells me I'm stopping him from being a father to his kids hmm

So I've finally got home to go to mediation (on threat of going to CMS- he's a self employed taxi driver and his bookkeeping is creative. To say the least. So he doesn't want to give anyone an excuse to go through his finances)

So he is saying that he can't ever, under any circumstances have the children on a fri or sat night as it will hit his earnings. I feel this is unfair... I work full time, have the children most of the time and will be a better mum if I get some downtime. The kids will have better quality time with him if it's not on a school day.

I have offered to say he doesn't need to pay maintenance if he has the children sat-Sun once per month. He will only have to pay about £100 pm in total for 3 kids thanks to his creative accounting.

Will the mediators be likely to support me in this? I just feel like he's saying he wants contact but only when it suits him and to hell with what suits the kids and I. His motivation is to stop me having a social life ... his controlling behaviour was one of the key reasons the marriage ended.

MooseBeTimeForSnow Tue 16-May-17 19:47:02

You can't force him to have contact if he doesn't want it I'm afraid.

KarmaNoMore Tue 16-May-17 19:51:49

The mediator is not a judge and won't support either of you on anything. The mediator role is to help you to keep track of the objectives, give both and opportunity to talk and dismiss the session if either of you are getting a bit angry/aggressive.

Unfortunately you can't press them to have any contact in particular, much less so if they are not so able to put the needs of the children first.

KarmaNoMore Tue 16-May-17 19:52:29

BTW if he has shown controlling behaviour, mediation is not for him.

user1463172942 Tue 16-May-17 20:06:32

I know I can't make him have contact.

But if he insists he wants contact (which he does) surely he doesn't get to just dictate exactly where and whensad?

KarmaNoMore Tue 16-May-17 22:50:52

No, interestingly, you will be told that contact times should be mutually agreed, but the way that some non resident parents disagree is by stopping contact on those days. So I would say that you may need to be a bit more flexible if you want for him to be around in the long term.

I would suggest that the kids go to him on Sunday morning and stay with him until Tuesday. I really don't think you will be seen very favourably if you insist on Friday and Saturday nights if those days are key to his income.

It is unfair, no doubt about it, but unfortunately there are not many things that are fair when it comes to be left with the lion's share of the responsibility of raising the children flowers

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