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Friend is struggling.

(1 Post)
Colabottle10 Mon 15-May-17 22:40:22

Hi all,

I need to ask for some help - I'm struggling to help my best friend with a really shitty situation and I need some of your wisdom. I'll try and keep it succinct.

Friend has been with her husband for 18 years, married for nearly 10. They had DCs (aged 6, 3 and 1). Husband has been having a long term affair with work colleague. This all came out around 6 weeks ago. He's moved out. My friend has a solicitor and is under her instruction (though I believe her to not be so great but time will tell. I need some help with the following:

1. The marital home. Can he force a sale? Both jointly on the mortgage. Husband is meeting the repayments at present. Friend wants to stay in it for the time being. If it was sold, she can't afford anything of the same size or standard on her own (and prob won't get a mortgage as not working). He says he can't afford mortgage and current rent and they need to sell to move somewhere cheaper. Friend insists they chose the house to provide a certain lifestyle for the children, does he have to uphold this still?

2. Contact - what is reasonable contact with children of those ages? His OW has children (older) and he is trying to suggest that her current arrangement of 7 nights out of 14 is way he wants with his children (obviously on the same days as she has hers, so they then have child free evenings and weekends). He wants 7 overnights out of 14, as in Mon night with him, Tuesday night with friend, Wed night with him etc etc. Friend thinks this is too unsettling. He's not happy with her counter offer of 1 weekday night and alternate Fri/Sat weekends. He hasn't moved in with OW yet, he has a flat, but it is 26 miles to their school/nursery, unlike the 5 miles from the family home.

3. He won't try mediation at all. Can friend arrange it anyway and go without him?

4. If they can't agree, how does it work through the court? She is frightened they would allow 50:50 sleep over, though solicitor is adamant that won't happen - wondering what anecdotal stories there are on this?

Basically he is bullying her and using the children to guilt her. There is a huge business involved and he has significant 6 figure assets...she is in the same profession, but gave up her job to have the children. She has no pension, he says the sale of the business in the future was there pension provision. I'm trying to point her int he direction of a SHL purely because the business stuff is so big and complicated....I don't trust him not to shaft her.

I also feel like a shit friend for not being there for her physically. She's at the other end of the country away from all her family with 3 children to look after on her own. Its not fair. She's the nicest person I've ever known sad

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