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If I die and kids upbringing

(6 Posts)
Nursejackie1 Mon 15-May-17 06:09:11

My ex husband said something that's really worried me yesterday. He is from another country which is alot less safe, and has many problems like poverty, high levels of crime and inadequate education/medical system amongst other things.
We just so happened to mention bringing up the kids of one of us died and he said that he would have to take them back to his home country to be close to his mum.
My oldest child is 5, settled in school, doesn't speak the language of the other country and both kids are surrounded by family here that they know and love. The thought that if something happened to me they would be ripped away from their life here, from everyone they know and having to start learning a new language in a country that is strange to them with people they barely know having just lost their mother fills me with complete horror.

Is there anything legally I can do to try to ensure this doesn't happen? My parents would happily bring them up or help out loads if they stayed here.

Their father is on the birth certificate, pays maintenance and sees them regularly so no grounds to oppose them being brought up by him.

Surely as their main parent I should be able to have a say over their lives in the case this happened?

I would be grateful for any advice, thank you.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Tue 16-May-17 10:56:56

As shit as it seems you are no more a parent than him in the eyes of the law. .
He would get residency automatically unless you were remarried and they were settled in this country in their lives with a decent step father.

KarmaNoMore Tue 16-May-17 23:03:41

Apparently the only one advantage of having the now extinct residence orders is that you can dictate who will be the guardian of your kids ugly you die.

BUt I would say the dad can easily have your wishes dismissed because he is the dad and he is involved in their lives.

I guess why so many of us raising children in our own know we can't die [ever]

KarmaNoMore Tue 16-May-17 23:04:07

If, not ugly...

Nursejackie1 Wed 17-May-17 14:31:50

Thanks for the responses I thought this would probably be the case. As Karma said I will absolutely have to not die, was never something I really worried about until this 😡

Minime85 Sun 21-May-17 22:06:47

Yes I am afraid you don't have the choice. I had a will written last year and I was only able to put in it what would happen if father unable to take care of them. I couldn't opt for them going straight to my family. But I have appointed guardians of my estate for their benefit.

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