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Help where do I begin?

(7 Posts)
smilingontheinside Sun 14-May-17 19:23:40

I am 60 years old, married 35 years, 2 kids in their 20's one still at home and I'm terribly unhappy! My husband and I barely speak and apart from kids have nothing in common. He is about to retire with a company pension and I can't bear it. I am so unhappy that I am thinking divorce is the way to go but I have no savings/pension/money as I looked after the kids and now work part time so that i have spending money and can run my car. From the outside we have it all, nice home, holidays abroad, car each etc but I am terribly lonely and am becoming a miserable old woman. I have somewhere along the line lost the person I used to be and hate what I have become. I have no idea how or where I would live or where to start with a divorce at my age. Anyone been there and come out otherwise?

tadpole73 Sun 14-May-17 20:02:36

I don't think it matters how old you are, loneliness is a killer and I too look like I have it all and, materialistically I do, but I have no affection/conversation/help from my hubby.
I'm wondering if, on here somewhere, it would be a good idea to have sections for areas of the country so it makes it easier for people to meet up. Perhaps it's in existence that I don't know about.

Hermonie2016 Sun 14-May-17 23:13:25

Do you have access to financial information? Such as his pension and savings?
Once you have made the emotional decision to leave the marriage you will find the strength to follow through.
It's not easy making a big change but it can be worth it.We are all living longer and divorces at retirement age are becoming more common for exactly the reasons you give.
Ist step is to get the financial data and see a solicitor.You will be entitled at a starting point of 50% of assets which will include his pension.

Previous generations didn't divorce and lived in unhappiness but I don't believe that is in anyone's interest.Hopefully your children will be supportive.
I am 50 and 6 months post separation and much more relaxed than I have been in years.I will live a more simple life once divorced but that wont be an issue for me as family and friends are more important.

Cherenkov Mon 15-May-17 08:41:58

Smiling, you could be my wife. We have been married 35 years, together 40 and I posted about our divorce last week, named changed since then.

Men are stupid and don't notice the subtle clues!

I thought we were fine, bumbling along until a letter arrived from the solicitor saying my wife wanted a divorce. She told me it is like a reservoir of anger, frustration and loneliness slowly building up until it becomes too much, and I now understand that.

Do you still love your husband? If he could change would you still want to stay with him? If the answer is yes to both, then you must tell him how bad you feel and give him and ultimatum. I wasn't given that chance and would do anything to change that.

If the answer is no, or he won't change, then you have to part for your sake. 60 is not too old to start again.

This weekend I thanked my wife for having the courage to do this now rather than in another 5 or 10 years. It will be harder then. I love her dearly, but would rather she was free and happy than miserable with me. If you do divorce, I hope your husband also see this.

Be brave and act.

Username324 Mon 15-May-17 09:08:18

I'm 67 and my decree absolute was last week after 50 years of marriage.
It's never too late, so they say and I'm hoping that's true once I stop reeling.
I don't have family or friends, I'm mostly housebound but I just want
some respite and peace from the struggle of being married to a passive aggressive sulker.
Good luck OP, you're not alone in wanting a divorce in later life, if
only we could form a collective we wouldn't be so isolated.

Ramble Sat 20-May-17 08:47:17

Oh gosh, this has helped me. I'm so sorry you all feel bad but I'm sitting and reading and thinking 'You're not too old you could have thirty years left!'
Yet, I'm not pursuing mine partly out of fear I'm too old...and it's scary out there, always from a long term comfort zone! I'm 47.

Age is irrelevant, happiness or at least being content, is.

Hermonie2016 Sat 20-May-17 10:01:35

Men are stupid and don't notice the subtle clues
Cherenkov, you sound more positive, onward and upwards!
Is it really that men don't notice or are they more self centred so not interested in their partners happiness.I think most women do try to communicate unhappiness.
Also would you really be able to change? I tend to feel that traits that are deeply ingrained are hard to change, so likely to slip backwards into the behaviour.

User324, I understand needing peace and its a good life goal. Good luck

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