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All agreed, now he won't go.

(10 Posts)
BeMeAgain Fri 12-May-17 19:56:09

Having told my husband of 15yrs last July that I wanted us to separate he was remarkably reasonable about it all. He was very upset & spent months trying to convince me to change my mind. Eventually he said he would respect my decision & we would try to make things as easy for our 2 kids (13 & 10). I have been sleeping on the sofabed in the lounge since the summer. We went to counselling & decided to agree things between us. We have agreed on money, access, just about everything & I have paid to have it drawn up in a separation agreement (ready to be signed). I have had a mortgage agreed to buy him out of the family home so that the children & I can stay here. I have stretched myself to the limit to do so as I agreed that we would split all the marital assets 50/50 so he could afford a decent place for the kids too.. Other than a few, understandable rows over the last 10mths things have been remarkably amiable. (the one exception when he came home drunk, became threatening & I called the police)
He has put in an offer on a flat (& taken the kids to see it) that meant he would need no additional mortgage or loans, it has been taking a long time with little info coming from the vendor. He has now decided that they are messing him about & has decided to withdraw from the purchase.
He has now said that he cannot afford to move out so will probably be around for the next couple of years. There is nothing in his price bracket, he refuses to rent & claims no-one will give him a mortgage as he's self employed (£10k ish declared income) and is too old (54). He has just told the kids he is staying & the youngest burst into tears.
I am at my wits end, I have only managed to keep things this civil as I could see light at the end of tunnel, without that I don't think I can keep up this facade. His solution is that I should go & stay in my parents spare room (in a flat) & he'll look after the kids here.....WTF ! He has no family locally so says that's the only solution. So unless I can come up with an additional £40k (already giving him £100k) he's not going anywhere. I don't believe there is anything legally I can do to make him move, any ideas, I just want to cry,

AnnieAnoniMouse Fri 12-May-17 19:58:31

What an A Grade wanker

Was your youngest crying happy or sad tears?

AnnieAnoniMouse Fri 12-May-17 20:03:17

You can't continue living like this.

I'd tell him that he signs the papers & moves out into the flat as planned or you will hire a shit hot lawyer & get a far better split of assets.

Ask him why he no longer wants to make this as easy for the kids as he did before? Ask him what they have done to deserve this?

pullingmyhairout1 Fri 12-May-17 20:05:07

If he has accounts he'll get a mortgage of 40k I should imagine if he has no other debt.

Sounds like time to get tough.

Why are you sleeping on the sofa bed btw?

BeMeAgain Sat 13-May-17 07:09:09

She was upset because she understands that we would be better off apart & would both be happier. When they're just with him things are fine & when they're just with me it's great as we're all much more relaxed & happy. She hates that he just makes decisions that suit him even if the rest of us don't agree (longstanding issue for both me & the kids)

BeMeAgain Sat 13-May-17 07:10:39

Because he won't move out of the bedroom and says he's not stopping me from sleeping in there too. Can't bear the thought of that so have retreated to the sofa ever since.

FV45 Sat 13-May-17 07:15:28

Can you plough on with buying him out of the home? When the deeds are in your name he won't have any right to be there and will have to go.

I feel for you. My ex would also not leave until he was legally made to.

GreenRut Sat 13-May-17 07:45:03

You will have to go down the legal route unfortunately if he really won't move. As pp says, tell him you're going to do that, and that you will be aiming for much more than the current 50/50 split you've agreed. It wil also cost alot of money to go down that route and that will come out of whatever he gets. He might get the rocket up his arse that he needs but you have to mean it. If you say you'll do it then don't, then yes I can't see how he will ever leave.

lalaloopyhead Sat 13-May-17 07:54:39

It is not ideal but in this situation I would sell up and move on. While the family home remains he obviously feels he has a right to stay there, and in a way he has a point.
It almost a calling his bluff situation, he can't possibly think it is sensible to stay in the arrangement you have but he is banking on you not being able to do anything about it.
Staying in the family home doesn't have to be the be all and end all, it is harder but finding a new place for you and the kids will give you a fresh start.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 13-May-17 07:58:38

His plan all along!

Grade a selfish man

Show him you mean business.

Consult a lawyer.

If he has a 100k deposit and only needs a small mortgage that won't be hard

More like he has messed the flat owner around!!!!

Saying that to his own daughter!

I would tell him you're going on a date tonight and can he babysit?

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